unselfish entertainment

my stomach aches, and all they could say was "you got what you deserved"

2005-09-19T23:34:00.000-05:00

I'm... annoyed.
At first I was just upset with myself, and not liking where I was.
But at this point, and after excessive thinking, I'm just annoyed.
Laura is the best though, she made a horrible night better, with stealing my shoes.

Anyhow.
Eventually you just get annoyed of people thinking of nobody but theirselves.
I mean, in high school is was fine - normal drama, but when you're out of high school - shouldn't there be an end to it?
I try, and feel an excessive amount of want to help my friends - to the extent that I make decisions to just benefit them, even though it's going to put me somewhere I don't want to be.
Poor, cramped, whatever it may be.

But now, I think I've gotten to the point that I've just become passive, and let decisions pass by me, without any argument.
And, I'm tired... it takes a lot of my energy.
I want to take a vacation, alone.
Normally I'd say that Laura would be nice to include, and as she would be - that'd be high hopes, whereas I should stick to realistic plans so that I can accomplish such without regret or drawback.

I want to spend a night, or two - somewhere I've never paid much attention to.
Dallas sounds fun, but then again, so does Topeka.
NYC would be a trip, but realistically, can I afford it? No.

I'm ready for a vacation to myself, either in Oklahoma just being in peace - or out-of-state that requires some time to get to.

Why people screw others, is just beyond me anymore.
Selfishness is a disease I cannot understand any longer - I want to be your friend, but sometimes you just make it so damn hard with the stupidity that you plague through your words.

Oh god, the tragedy that the world is becoming this.
I've gotten more complaints about my attitude at work, than anybody else now... and I'm trying so hard to be a model employee.
I want to achieve something, as small as it could be doing so at Kinkos, it's something.
What's life without achievements?
And where are my personal achievements... I don't have a bookcase of trophies, just personal stories... but in which are now becoming few and in-between.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset, or sad.
I'm happy.
Just, annoyed, slightly.

home at last.

2005-07-27T23:42:00.000-05:00

I am still tired, catching up on my missed sleep from camp.

But I've been creative, with a million different thoughts going through my head, I seem to want to just write. Problem is, half the time I don't even understand what I had just written, so it came down to this one:

"Collisions, and situations could be left
How we come together, such questions
No answers, just another cold case.
Wouldn't that be a paradise,
To spend one night alone together?

Our hearts beat in rhythm,
We won't ever come back down
Just keep singing your tune,
of how you love to be near
And our rivers will flow together.
The rapids will disappear,
Oh can't you see it ahead?
The map never lies.

But I can't decide,
Between the truth and the lie.
Where are you my dear,
And is your mind silent or troubled?
For days I've throught it was so,
so unkind for you to be troubled
When it destroys your smile.
'Cause that smile makes sunny days."

Anyway, I had a good summer - stressful, but in the end all seemed to have gotten better.
And I got hired at Kinkos/FedEX today, but also have a job test tomorrow for a technical analyst position at DELL in OKC. So if Dell likes me, I'll probably go there since it'd be a better job obviously?

I'm moving out mid-August, really don't want to because of the conditions of it, but I do need to. It's time I get out of home, and leave behind all the stress that's related to living here, it's more than what's normal.

Not sure what else there is that I'm missing out on, other than I am 19 now. I'm starting to not believe that I'm older, I still can remember being a kid yesterday.

I'm extremely happy with life right now, things are starting to run smoothly without a lot of effort. I was happy before, but now I can drive around and just smile for the oddest of reasons.

My legs quit on me.

2005-05-21T23:58:00.000-05:00

Honestly, what's the deal? They're lazier than I am right now.
Actually, all day I've felt iffy. Not exactly awake, but not tired either.

More of just like, "what's going on... I'm lost."

I was fine last night, until roughly 10pm.
I want to say I came down off a drug around then, but I don't know what that would feel like, but in this case, yes, that's what happened.
Except, not drug, Laura.
I came down off a Laura high.

Chinese people really shouldn't know my address before I finish telling them, it'll make me fat. Seriously.

That's another thing, I was incredibly hungry today, and well... I only ended up eating a Wendy's 1/4 cheeseburger.
I didn't think I could eat the rest, I didn't even finish my french fries.
I'm not worried about anything, new... maybe annoyed, not sure if it classifies as being upset though, so that can't be affecting my eating habits.
In fact, the important things about life, are great. I can't argue at all with what I'm getting, life is being so generous to me.

Austin wanted to go to 39th tonight, so I gave him a ride. I didn't stay as late as I usually do, came home before 12am.
I don't think I'm going to go anymore... nothing bad happened, it just sucked.
If I do go in the future, I'm not going to bother driving, not worth the gas.
But seriously, waste of time?
Then again, what else would I be doing...?
Meh.

Camp needs to get here, so I can have something to do, then get it out of the way, and do something else more productive.
Like school.
I got school planned out for the next 2 years, and am comfortable with it because things are bound to come and happen.
Kind of like a really good, and please don't beat me up, a really good techno song.
It's slow in the beginning, but it works itself up, there's random bits of greatness, but it never drops... it progresses, and then finally, hits a high and hangs onto it until the end.

I, don't want an end though.
However, I want to be productive, and help build up my life.

Perhaps I shouldn't talk to old people... stories, that make me happy.
Complete strangers, I love listening to their stories about life... they remind you, every bad thing that happens, you're not going to remember. You're only going to remember the best parts of life.

I want to be known that way, as a great person... for years down the line, somebody goes back in their memory, and remembers. Remembers that I touched them, made their life great.

I want to be a teacher, dammit.
Like, tomorrow!
I'll start asap.

But college, gots to do that.
And appearantly, there's a lot of math involved with becoming a teacher.
GREAT.
But my friend who was in school for it, was also taking basic math... elementary math. I can do that much, actually, if I put my mind to it, I can accomplish math.
I just, don't like it... and it's horrible, but it bores me.
So much structure, with no real result in my opinion. Sure, you get an answer, but it's more of an "Oh... that's the answer."

Science however, you do something, and get a result, physical result. I'm talking more of a certain kind of science of course, not so much of physics, but yeah. Science to me, is a physical demostration. Math, is a grr, enter word here that defines not so physical, theoretical(maybe?) demostration.

But hell, NASA does a lot of math, and screws up sometimes, you need physical evidence.

For instance, physics, if you're going 60mph, in a 2700lb car, and make an instant 90degree turn... it ain't going to happen, you've got too much momentum forward to turn that sharp.
However, if you add resistance to the rear wheels, and some in the front... perhaps positive camber in the front, and 4 wheel steering for the rear, you'll be able to make a better turn instead of sliding forward.

Grr, I am such a loser.
Dork actually, we'll say that.

I admit it, I am a dork.
Hardcore, all through my blood, dork.
Cody Adams, is a dork.

But hey, my love is a dork, too... so it works. :)

Know what?
My ear hurts, and I'm going to play a game until I fall asleep... hopefully that can sustain enough of my attention that I lose the majority of my thought process.

Good night.

All it took a new hat,to shade away the evils I was unable to defend.

2005-05-11T15:42:00.000-05:00

What in the...
Okay, for a guy like me who has more than enough time, I should try updating.

I've had an eventful day, honestly.
Started with waking up normally, you know - at like, 7am.
I was bored, and Daniel got lost in OKC trying to find the school for Auto body repair, so I took him. What makes me thingk *I* would know how to get there?
Yes, we'll thank Laura for that one... not that we've EVER gone there, or even remotely near it, but it gave me a very strong clue as to how I was supposed to get there.
So I found it, first try. Yo.

I saw Cort on my way out the door, and it reminded me... "Hey, camp, lets accomplish some more stuff today by being a counselor again!"

So a phonecall, run to Kinkos, and a fax received/sent... I have applied.
Now to just get confirmed.

Speaking of being confirmed, word on the street is I will be dating a confirmed Catholic as of tonight.

But yeah, the way it was worded, (when they mention what you'll be getting paid, and the bonuses you get for coming back, that can only lead somewhere good - right?), I'll be at camp this summer.

Which means my crack addiction to Lineage, will be either subsided, or eliminated. I will not be speeding home on Saturdays to play Lineage... that's crazy talk, I have a better idea.
Involves seeing people I hadn't seen all week, possibly a concert again? I doubt Fallout Boy will be coming back on a Saturday night.
Good times, what I remember most is meeting the singer... and hearing that Taking Back Sunday would be coming to town with Fallout Boy in October (never happened, those punks.). Oh yeah, that, and making fun of Amanda the entire time in the line, her hitting me for it, and Daniel, plus the stranger in front of us, laughing the entire time.

I need a naptime I think, yes?
No, I'll survive. I've got my awesome Yellowcard playing, which has nothing to do with me staying awake.
Trust me, I've been there.

Pardon my random "let's throw in my new phrase".
That and "rofl", which comes out like "roffle".
Laura loves me for that.
Which is good, 'cause I love her too.

Past while, has been nothing really out of the ordinary, except when I got jumped by Aqua Teen Hunger Force, a buddy for my Penguin, and a bag full of Hugs.
Somebody had an awesome plan, obvious guesses to who somebody is.
At least her plans worked out better than mine did, meh.

Although, the park idea worked... randomly remembered that while there.

Fish isn't disgusting, and poking only permitted when stopped at a red light.
And just so we know, stop signs don't count - saying it now.

I'm thinking I should be a professional money spender.
I have no problem spending people's money for them, honestly.
I spent 200$ in a fraction of 2 minutes.
*amazing*

Anyhow, I'm thinking that Yug-i-oh or whatever is on.
Or probably just now ending, doh.

Hrm, I want Popeyes chicken right now.
Yes, I'm pregnant... that's exactly why I'm having food cravings right now.
Guess what, it's yours.

That makes me feel slutty to say, cause it'll be everybody's that reads this.
Except the google search engine bot.
'Cause that'd be difficult.
Overthinking, done, completed, turned off.

I am, a peach.
Though I'm supposed to be a grape?

Perhaps I'm tired.
Time to take my shoes off, lean back, and watch the good world of TV.

You know what'd be an AWESOME TV show?
Homestar Runner.
Strongbad could have his own show, AWESOME yo.

I waited, and waited.

2005-05-04T01:22:00.000-05:00

I'm kind of, confused right now. Mainly been silent all day, and except for the first few hours, in a bad mood.

Seems like a lot of the smallest things, are angering me. Something said on TV, being talked to, not being talked to.
I feel this great weight on my shoulder, and I'm unsure what the weight consists of.

I'm actually pretty sure what my problem is, it's two things... and I'm just fed up to the point that I'm unsure how to release the stress without actually saying something. The most I can think of, is to simply talk to them, but I know exactly what the reaction will be. The damage isn't repairable, so I have to ignore it until I forget about it ever happening.

The worst things in life, always seem to outweigh the good when you stop and think about it, but looks also seem to be decieving? I'm actually pretty tired of false images, it raises entirely too many future problems.

I want to... break things.
I don't even know what I mean by that, but meh, so frustrated.

Chances are, if you're reading this, on your own natural will, then this has nothing to do with you at all.

And one of you is a good one, I promise.
She knows who she is.

Always begin your life with a smile.

2005-05-03T05:27:00.000-05:00

Dreams are simply inevitable, correct?
So am I silly for attempting to hope for each dream to come true?
No, of course not.

Before, I was often bugged by these hopes and dreams people had... and how they always changed, but I'm beginning to understand their inconsistent plan in life.
A planned life, will almost never go as hoped, no matter how much thought you've placed within it.
But this isn't to say that certain aspects that you plan will ultimately fail or face many challenges.

You know what, it might be too early to expand on that thought as much as I would hope to do.

I'm slightly hungry, but at the same time, very tired.
But the news is so interesting.
you know, GW Bush is great... no, more of Laura Bush.
Every stupid man just needs a Laura in their life to make fun of them publicly. =)

Speaking of, did I mention that I have a wonderful girlfriend?
She's one of a kind, and I couldn't have been luckier to find her.

I should probably get sleep if I'm planning to be awake in 4 hours.
Good night. :)

With all the fun to have, to live the dreams we always hadOh, the songs to sing, when we at last return again

2005-04-26T02:36:00.000-05:00

I am... tired. Annoyed. Happy. Confused.

You don't search for love, it finds you.
Takes you by complete surprise, and leaves you fed.
Never can it be explained to others, but only with each other.
Words won't describe, but mere actions will.

Emotions cannot be simply searched for, or ignored.
It will always find you, the best or worst.
The best you can do is simply accept.

You will be lied to my dear, don't act surprised.
They will play you like a childhood game of Monopoly.
Only making the moves to benefit themselves in the end,
And leaving you poor, raped, frustrated.
Violated.
The sole promise in which you can rely upon is,
I will never treat you as they have.
The rebel in me will grow to differ from those who hurt intentionally.
I will hold you close, and never let go,
You can call me yours, just as I will call you mine.
To protect each other from the stones life throws at us.

Aw hell... I honestly didn't mean for that to turn out that way. Meh, I'm bursting with this creativity of some kind, and I don't know how to express it. I tried playing in Adobe, but I'm so judgemental about what I make. If it doesn't place me in awe, I give up until I become frustrated to the extent that none of it was worth trying. Which then, I simply just close Adobe.

I need to sleep, but I'm thinking of way too much stuff.
The one thing I really enjoy doing, is taking something apart, then putting it back together.
Why can't I get paid for this?
I love puzzles.

Well, not so much as puzzles themselves, but I like tearing something apart to it's core, then putting all of it back together piece by piece to see how exactly it worked.

Not just physically, but mentally as well. That's no secret though, everybody knows I like to overthink everything.

For every action, there's a direct cause. There is no sudden action, that does not result from a past conflict, emotion, or mood.

I want to go to sleep, but it's lonely there.
Not the physical aspect of it, but the dreams. I fill the void between being awake with happy thoughts... because it'll keep me in slumber.
Lately, my dreams have been just... incredibly real.
To the extent that I cannot remember what memory was from a dream, and what was from reality. I don't think it's so wrong to want what is unattainable by any methods.
I think it's wrong to deny yourself of goals to get the unattainable.
Because who am I to decide what is truly unattainable, and what is simply hard to get?
Even if it's proved unattainable in the end, at least I have the experience of having tried, so that future events aren't so hard to get to the end of?

I'm making one goal now.
I'm going to do what I think is best, and how I'll want to live my life.

Apart of that goal is figuring out what I want.

I know one thing I want, no matter what... and that's no secret.
But technically, the want isn't there... if it already exists, it's more of a fulfilled portion of my life. :)

I give up, and am going to bed.

Oh, right... I'm going to decrease my ego a bit.
And I'm going to spin heads through actions.
Not literally of course, I've some ideas... which in the end I'll reveal, when said and done.

I'll meet you tonight in the [u]whispers[/u][i]when no one's around.[/i]

2005-04-17T04:35:00.000-05:00

Meh. Ommf.

Nothing else I can think of as a random sound for my mood right now.

I'm just... exhausted, physically and mentally.

For the past while I've just ignored everything, and expected a couple things to happen just as a given... but that's simply not a good thing to believe.

Past week was nice, seeing Laura twice, but this weekend, seeing her none.
And I miss her?
She's done this incredible thing to me, and I can't explain it.
But it's remarkable, so *claps*.

I'm going to sleep soon... oh, I forgot, I've found nothing good to do, except stay up late nights playing Lineage.
I need to enroll for school next semester.
And as for this summer, I need to at least apply for camp. Never know where that might end up.
You can never know the fruits of life, unless you take a risk climbing the tree for them.

I'm sure that's a saying, and I'm not making it up... but wouldn't it be cool if I just started being this guy everybody quoted metaphors from?
To be quoted, would be nice.

I'm going to do something April 19th, if you live in Oklahoma, take a minute to figure it out. Involves downtown.

I'm tired of the war in Iraq, honestly.
I'm tired of religion.

And the more I think about it, the more stupid everything becomes. Hah, I'm thinking things to the point of stupidity.
Life without conflict, is inevitable.

There is no peace... the mentality of being a hero exists, and to be a hero, a conflict has to occur.
But in order for the conflict to exist, heroism has to exist - you have villians who are the heroes of the bad, and you have the heroes of the good.
It's just a damn loop.

Not so much that I'm truly thinking about that, but everything, is a loop.
There's a top end of the loop, it's not a flat racetrack you circle, you're going to climb higher and higher, then come right back down suddenly - at a fast rate because you're falling, but then you walk on the bottom of the loop, and begin climbing up again.
Everything you've had for the climb up, that took so long to get, all ends with this one fall to start all over.

In order to prevent the fall, you have to take your time going up the left side of the loop... to the top. Stop, realize everything in life, and love it. You can't pause it, but you can damn well take your time. Take something too far, you're going too fast, and you'll just fall.

Then again, this has a flaw - there's people who have one great thing, and just never fall on it... ever. They just die with that great thing.
For some reason, makes me think of Romeo and Juliet.
They took things so fast, and wanted to be with each other - yet it wasn't truly possible, and they fought to stay at the top of it all.
In the end, dying.
Meh, I don't know if that makes sense, or perhaps I forgot the true way that play was written?
Makes sense in my mind, so bugger off.

When I'm away, I create nightmares without even meaning to.
Minds work in mysterious ways, and I don't like it sometimes.

I've got the couple things in life I want, and I'm going to take it slow and enjoy them.
Yes, I will.

and I'm going to sleep, it's 5am now.

you could shrug me off your shoulders

2005-04-04T21:23:00.000-05:00

Break down of today?

Went to Hy-tek, didn't have Zach's coilovers.
Left, told Zach.
Went to PC stores, nobody had Jeff's Powersupply for laptop.
Picked up an application at one store, going to fill it out.
Turn it in tomorrow or day after.
Come home, nap 20 minutes.
Jeff calls, I head out.
Did absolutely nothing, but got pictures.
Pictures make car look hella nice, except passenger side.
I cried.
10 minutes goes by... but I'm full.
Because I ate pizza, and it was good.
Ketchup on it, made me extremely stuffed.
Feel bad, because it was a boring day, didn't feel like did much.
Came home, read email.
Smiled from that moment on.

Somewhere in there, Jeff and I found a Nissan 200sx, for 300$... and are considering buying it, for fun/project.

I am... tired.
And no clue as to why, haven't been awake more than 12 hours?
Meh, I need help.
From caffeine.

"She said don't, don't let it go to your head,boys like you are dime a dozen."

2005-04-03T22:21:00.000-05:00

I walked a lot today, and beside the wind, it was nice today.
Lake Hefner, is an awesome lake - except for the absent motor boats.
Dumb rules, pollution, I get it now, keeps the lake clean.

But I'm going to take up a new sport, Windsurfing.
Except, it's exspensive from what I've read, the board is at least.

I'm tired now.

And camp, is probably out of the question now it seems?
I don't know - Lindsey im'd me asking if I was going back, and I want to.
But, she got a Returning Staff application, which I did not.
Maybe it was a mistake, maybe it wasn't.

So if it wasn't a mistake, I'm going to take summer classes, and be satisfied at that.

This is where I ramble on about thoughts and change.
But watching Angel sounds good, and reading this book I've started sounds equally as lovely.

Why must you leave dear things behind, when all it'll bring is a couple thoughts of how to change the world.

Ah yes... time to get deep into that some other time.
Meanwhile, here's this:

"Tonight was unforgivable
Just as my words left without fear.
Tomorrow I'll wake to the setting sun
And baby you'll still be gone.
I shout with such anger, and tears fall south
Though the decisions of fate cannot be predicted,
all I want is to be prepared when time comes.

Weekends I lay alone, not knowing when our next meet is to be
Kisses I'd always miss,
And touch I have grown an addiction to."

Experience is growthSo experience all you can, and you'll be the tallest in the crowd.

2005-04-03T14:14:00.000-05:00

I've... had an overall fine weekend. Of course, it hasn't been concluded just yet, but with time, it will be.

Friday was a mixture of confusion, and a lot of realization - which is only absent from my mind a short while before it introduces itself again.
I went to the Medieval Fair, and bumped into Laura, who happened to be on a field-trip? Right... nothing was coordinated at all.

Meh, I thought a lot about Friday, and those thoughts that were racing through my head, and it concluded with I need to be more open and express any potential concern/thought I've got. Responsibility plays a major key in success of everything in life, so I shall begin taking such. I'm also realizing that just because the one person who never gave up, and was always there to push me further is gone now - doesn't mean I can stop. I have to initiate new goals, and push myself until I feel successful with what I've done. Of course, I do have Laura, who'd push me and help me along the way as well - so I'm not alone on this.
I also have this problem with being helped, I don't like being looked at as a charity, it just doesn't fit well with me. Which is another reason I'm not completely honest and open as I should be. All is good now, and I <3 Laura.

Friday night's plans changed a bit a couple times that day, but I saw Laura again.

And I was tired afterwards, exhausted. I came home, and slept.
Saturday was going to just be my "Relax and take it easy" day, because I don't do that enough... right?

Well, I found out about Zach's car, so I went to see how he was doing - and arranged to meet with him after he got off work.
I saw his car, not so bad... not nearly as bad as I though, and he's already planning to fix it on Monday, we're hoping for the best.

Although, his Mom told him about a tobacco shop at Thunderbird Casino that was really cheap, and he asked me to give him a ride there so he could get himself some cigarettes, so we took the roadtrip.
Roadtrip has in, 30 minute drive.

After he got cigarettes, and I got myself gas, we looked at the casino... sure enough, I had 5$ in my pocket, and wanted to see just how much I could gamble.
He had a bit of money, but we both decided we'd try it... been a bad week for the both of us, just needed to have fun.

So we went inside, and I tried the slot machines, (after I'd already lost what, 1$ on a dime slot machine?). I borrowed a dollar so I could be back to an even 5$ to play BlackJack (minimum bid was 5$), but I decided putting in all I had left was a bad idea.
So we found two slot machines we actually liked, Zach played 4$, and came out with 17$, I came out with 7$, paid Zach back the dollar, and tried another dollar on slots.
I left with 5$, Zach left with the 17$.

So we figured out, slot machines are addictive, and we're going back on his Birthday in (8 days?).
Oh, we got ID'd once!
Passed, booyah Mom, don't have to be 21!

I told my parents this morning of my guilty crime, and they... taught me all the tricks of gambling they knew.

So far, today I've done a little bit - I took Zach to work, we walked around a car lot since we had 30 minutes before he had to be at work... and they were closed so we had time. Found 7 Honda S2000's in one dealership lot, amazing.

Afterwards I started cleaning my car, excessively. I still need to wash the inside windows, because they're filthy, but I got distracted by other things such as inside being nice and comfy. I did manage to whipe down everything, vaccum, and such... so nobody is allowed to smoke in my car, ever again. I found maybe 2 stray cigarettes from Zach, which I gave to my Dad, and too much trash/ashes.

I need to find something to do for a couple hours, that doesn't involve too much effort. Hm! Reading sounds nice. :)

2005-04-02T15:04:00.000-06:00

Where was I when Pope John Paul II died?
Washing my car.

I might not be a Catholic, but I respect this man for what he's done... and am ashamed that I did not get to know this man's life as much as I did.

Farewell.

Won't someone just kill meput my out of my misery!I'm makin' deals with GodI'll do anything!

2005-04-01T14:05:00.000-06:00

I can't seem to jump out of this hole I'm in right now, and it feels miserable.
This morning was great, til I found out that I won't get to see Laura tonight... since I went there last night for 2 hours. Meh.

But the medieval fair, not bad this year... I still think it was better being at the duck pond.

This week has been a disaster, one after another - but I don't mind the bad moments hitting me, because I know there's an end to it eventually.
I'd rather it all try to bring me down right now, rather than just streching it out with breaks and such.

I got served because of the wreck, I'm getting a little screwed over, and I'm thinking about just giving up and letting everything go away. My car won't get fixed most likely, but there's more important things to life to focus on.

Speaking of, I spent a lot of time thinking about my future, something I've avoided for a while - and I realized I've based a lot of my life off of trying to make people proud of me. High School, was probably my best success, I went from rock bottom in life, and just rose up to getting great friends - and worked hard on being successful, but then I just... gave up after my grandma died.
She was the one I really ever wanted to be proud of me, because she gave credit where it was due.
I miss her entirely too much right now, she pulled me out of the most unbelievable situations in life. I feel so horrible, because I know if she was still around she'd be slapping the shit out of me for the way I've been treating life lately.

You know those people, on the news - that go through the worst possible, and become overly successful? I envy them, a lot... because they give so much effort. I know I could come out from under this rock, and do so myself, but I'm not even applying the effort.
I think it's time to do so.

I need to take more responsibility for what happens around me, and stop being selfish. I also need to keep my mouth shut, and not make comments about people - eventually my thoughts are going to hurt somebody. I don't appreciate things as much as I should be.

I just need to be alone for a while, and get myself back on track.
Talking to friends that're still living in Norman about how much they just want to leave Norman and go to school - for the single reason to leave Norman, frustrates me. It's mostly an excuse to leave behind everything they've created here, and not deal with it all... but at the same time, it sounds like a wonderful idea.
I don't know what to do, I just want to lay down, and forget all of my thoughts. I know something is going on behind my back, and nobody wants to really tell me about it. ugh.

I want to free myself?
I'm so incredibly hipocritical right now, because I don't want to be alone right now.

Is it so hard to attain the one thing that you're so right about?

I know what scares me

2005-03-20T21:20:00.000-06:00

Scary movies are lame.

I'm not worried about working now, that it'd prevent me from doing things I enjoy.
But yet, that overall thought worries me?
Maybe cause of the absense of the mutual enjoyment.

Note to self:
Get applications to OU this week, and apply.

If all else fails, go to Chickasha. Small town, yes. Good Computer Science program, yes.
Farther away from the one thing I love, yes.

Woo for moods.

Time to do:
A.) Read
B.) Watch TV
C.) Do both and stop thinking about worries
C.) All of the above

I'm going with D.

It really is as flat as a pancake, and burned like my pancakes!

2005-03-20T06:22:00.000-06:00

Hah, I'm so hardcore.
No, really... I had this mindset of NOT being like Laura's Mom in Kansas, I wasn't even planning on trying to avoid a ticket until I crossed into the Kansas border.
But smart me, following a Suburban, I got a ticket!
91 in a 70. Smooooth.

On the maybe bright side, the cop forgot to have me sign the ticket, and forgot to check a little box that said it was even a ticket.
So I might not pay that 159$.

Hell, I might just say "meh" and be a wanted man in Kansas. For a speeding ticket unpaid.

Like Kansas will really have me endicted for a speeding ticket?!
Nah, I'll figure it out and pay.

Other that that, it was fun. 6-7 hours driving there... took a wrong exit, decided to go with it, and hey, we were in Kansas City, KS!

The show was awesome. I've never gotten so beaten up before, but I simply couldn't resist the mosh pit when it started right next to me.
I got shoved into it, I came out a winner.
Oh, and I caught this girl who fell from it, by complete accident - I was all done moshing, my arms were just leaving my pockets (making sure nothing fell out), and viola, there's somebody in my arms.

I'm extremely tired now. I drove for about 3 hours after the concert, or maybe 2... just put the cruise control on, and drove.
Then Daniel did after waking up, and I slept.
We've made an agreement, next time the road trip exceeds 6 hours, we're getting a hotel room before coming back.

Kansas is a whole bunch of... nothing. Goodness, nothing to really SEE.
Except fields that were burnt.
And the smell of the fields that were burnt.
Pretty hardcore. Let me wander with my mind for a while.
Of how the Del Sol needed a 3rd seat, and a special girl I know.
Yeh, you all know her.
Or of her.

My legs are dead, fyi.

Oh, and we got to go through a drug search on the way, which was lame.
Cause for two miles, there were signs.
Then there was a DEA car w/ nobody in it.
And that was... the drug search.
We wanted to be all actually searched, for the hell of it.

And I want to sleep, just for the hell of it.
Or 'cause I'm tired.

My Prelude isn't in front of my house, so sad. :(
I went to my Aunt's house yesterday, and put my keys in my pocket before getting out of the car.
Yeah, they fell out when I wasn't paying attention, and hit the floorboard.
I locked the doors.
Genius.
The car is still there... 'cause I should've thought ahead and gotten a 2nd key made or something.

kk, time fo' sleep.

2005-03-15T20:18:00.000-06:00

dear diary,

my teen angst bullshit has a body count.

<3Cody

2005-03-13T19:10:00.000-06:00

I'm tired, I'm bored, I'm annoyed.
Good going me.

I don't remember the last time I updated, figured it'd be nice to update now - but I'm not going to go back and see when I did, and everything that happened since then.

Just the weekend, and thoughts, that's all.

Thursday I went to see Laura, had a nice talk.
I rented Ray on the way over there, which turned out to be a pretty good movie.
Wasn't at all like I figured though, but I did like it.

Friday for some reason, seems so void?
Christy was in the hospital, so I went with Zach to see her. I do hope she gets better, I feel sorry for her being in a bed like that - I always get this vibe off her that she's the type of person to want to be doing something... moving, being ACTIVE. Christy, I hope your recovery goes well.

Saturday, I didn't do... anything. Was basically a day to just hang out, slack off.
I was supposed to work this weekend, but I uhm, don't work at Sears now.
Not entirely my doing, I didn't really like working there of course, but with the only other MCA I worked with being fired, it just didn't really work out.

Today I woke up late, but still made it in time to meet with everyone from OKS, and go to the track.
And I realized something, I really don't care what my car does? There's no real challenge into driving in a straight line.
Once again, something I found to be fun, walked out the door on me.

I'm annoyed for a couple reasons, mostly centered at one individual who I hardly know, yet feel I have ever reason to be suspicious of. I really shouldn't have a reason to worry, but there's that voice in the back of my head just stressing that it's going to happen. "Why wouldn't it happen?"
I'm probably just giving this a little too much thought, but it's how I seem to function. I think of everything in the literal sense, even if it's a joke... what ifs.

Is it possible to gain everything you've wanted, without the chance of loss?
Goes along with this quote from Dorian Gray that's in Sara's profile:
"behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic"

What if there was no tragedy, and there's one to come? Of course that quote could've referred to looking back on your past, and seeing the sense of karma surrounding a time-period... but is there a CHANCE that you can begin bringing something in that is wonderful, without having to suffer any repercussions? I already feel a couple for a single topic, but perhaps something bigger is always to come.
Where is a possibility of avoiding such repercussions? Is there any way to acutally do so, or must you just accept that they'll come someday?

I really want to not feel challenged... which is interesting, I love challenges. But when it comes down to one subject, I just feel that such a gamble is stupid.
Plain stupid.
I want one thing to stick beside me, and never feel challenged.

I want to love, and never worry. Be assured.

I want to lay down, and sleep.
Because I am tired.

Can never forget.

2005-03-08T21:25:00.000-06:00

Days of exploring imaginations boundaries
And the best of his days to have passed
Just when everything great seemed down
Hope sparked from an emerging existence
Spoken to himself,
"Keep this close, don't ever throw it away"
"Time is running out, you've got another chance"
Decisions based on the flip of a coin gone
A mark in the timeline to never have an end
Follow your heart, never listen to the assumptions

I simply cannot deny the words of such lips
The seduction hinted from a tender voice
And the sweet surrender in which I shall fall
Oh dear, if I could only let you know.

Brr... brr brr brr brr brr how I wish I was a penguin right now.

2005-03-08T17:28:00.000-06:00

It's mighty cold in my house, yes it is.
Part of the whole lets redo the house and be lazy and make it take a long time renovation project thingy my parents have begun... included our propane to not get refilled, so it's brr-chilly in my house.

Uh, yeah, so 10pt's to my parents for adding a reason for my moving out.

Speaking of, I'm in the process of looking for a different job!

'cause I don't like Sears, woohooo!

Zach suggested Hibdons again, and mentioned how much he gets paid for the slave labor... didn't seem bad, but even more bitchin' about the little time to do the things I love.

I'm going to keep checking around. Why? 'Cause I can!
Meanwhile, Sears works out until I get a fun job.

*ventures over to Monster.com later*

I know I said no more to do with my car, but this is interesting.
I filed a claim with their insurance company... but they don't know yet.
I got my car estimated, and if there is a payout (doubtful), I've gotta find another car. Mine is T-o-t-a-l-l-e-d.

Funny how 2000+ dollars of damage comes out to be about 5-6 hours, and 40$ worth of supplies when I do it myself.
Meh.

Days off from work were nice, but I want more now. At least I don't work Thursday, so I'll be content with just hanging out that day, and working all of tomorrow.

My fingers say "DAMMIT, TURN THE HEAT ON, I'M COLD."
Yeh, never gets old for me to bitch about the cold.

I'm gonna fill the car up with gas, sit in it, and crank the heater up.
Take a blanket and just sleep.
All nice and warm-like.

Nah, my bed keeps me warm.

I need the add-on bodyheat though, 'cause that's always nice.

Hrm, I'm supposed to go find myself dinner, but I don't know what I want.
Food is nice.
Maybe I get some Taco Mayo or somethin'.

And you're hearing it here first, I am officially broke.
Before, I had protection from such things.
But with the past week, no, I'm broke.
Wooty doo doo.

Now, for dinner.
Later.

But now, it is silver and silent

2005-03-06T20:24:00.000-06:00

Work was painfully dull today.
Nobody showed up that I was supposed to work with, so I sat staring at a computer screen doing the online training for about 5-6 hours.
It's fine to do it when you've got caffeine, and food.
But this was just - boring.

I did a lot of thinking during work, and some on the drive home.
I was expressing a lot of my inability of being happy yesterday, due to the emotions I'd been hiding for a while now. I usually just ignore my own emotions, and not let them really come out and be expressed because I feel it'd be better in the long run - but it just eventually came out, and left me really confused.

I have a smilie tattoo on my arm still, makes me a smile when I see it.
And I just finished watching Arrested Development (since it comes on after the Simpsons), but I'm basically not doing much. Just thinking of how nice life really is, and how I should be lucky for what I've got and that my selfish attitude sometimes needs to walk out the door and lose the key to get back inside. I've got almost everything I want excluding college, and a job I love. The best part is, I'm apart of a very special girl's life.

I talked to the driver of the other car, and he's agreed to let me pay without including insurance in the mix.

But he's wanting a rental car, reimbursement for his wife's lost pay, medical bills paid (if he gets billed for them), along with the car of course.

Fortunately he agreed to go to my friend's shop, so I might be okay as far as that goes.
So, 120$ + Car Damage Repair + Car Rental Fee.

I'm definitely broke as all hell for a while. I want to SO bad blame this on my Mom for her not keeping up with the 6months of insurance she said she'd pay for as a late birthday present, but it's my own fault for not being totally aware as I should've been.

No more about the car wreck now though, I'm even sick of it - some things just need to get packaged into a box, and burned, with the ashes dumped in the middle of a lake.

I'm going to bed soon, although my Dad wants me to run to the store for him.
I feel like watching a movie, or just laying pretending I'm watching tv, and just enjoying the silence and comfort of being in such great heights.
Stealing from the Postal Service is bad.

Which leads to this long thought of mine...
What defines happiness for somebody? It's almost as if nobody wants a true answer. When one thing truly tickles them, they begin looking for reasons other than what was standing in front of them to be happier. They gamble with their life's outcome to find something greater, wealth, status, satisfaction? Isn't it possible that you're given something that is a seed to everything, not just the extent of that plant's growth? You have to take something, and go with it - grow it, make it healthy, and let it live forever. If done right, it'll stay there, and always provide happiness, as well as bring new surprises each day. this so much, ties within love, the search of. If it's to the extent that you're feeling such a powerful emotion through your viens, and living the thoughts throughout your day - then possibly there's no reason to be worried. Problem is, what judges? What's the scale of reliability?
Why is risk so much involved with life, gambling, dreams?
Why am I having a feeling this all isn't making even the slighest amount of sense?

I so hard want to be more dependent, but there's apart of me that wants to be closer and grow with it.

I dare not grasp the concept of impossibility

2005-03-05T23:45:00.000-06:00

I was a little worked up earlier, in just sadness.

And I spent some time with Zach and Jeff tonight, went to NW Expressway.
Didn't bother driving though, left that to Zach.

I'm tired though, and will be going to bed soon since I work at 11am.
What sucks? I looked at my schedule, and realized:
I'm working Friday AND Saturday from morning til 5-6pm.
I'm seeing a future shitty weekend, unless something gets worked out.

I'm not really happy right now, but I'm getting better.

I'm just feeling extremely robbed.
Not just about whats happening with the Prelude, a lot of stuff.

Sleep would be good, so I'm headed there.

Did I mention how awesome Laura is for making a trip out of her way?
Even if it was for 5 minutes?

I am pooped.

2005-02-27T02:17:00.000-06:00

So, this weekend has been GREAT.
And you know what I'm going to do? Sleep tomorrow.
I need it.

Friday, I spent time with my favorite pineapple.
And had chinese. That was nice, except I lost my table manners?
And got attacked by the noodles.
But all was good when we went to Blockbuster, 'cause we got Almost Famous.

Good movie by the way, got me addicted to Led Zeppelin for the rest of the night.
And all day Saturday.

Kno what'd be nice?
Seeing a face, smiling right now.
Yeps.

Wow, so I got home and passed out that night.
And woke up entirely too early Saturday morning, like 5-6am.
Around 10 I called Jeff, and where was he? Working.
At Sears.
That bastard!
So I went to Hy-tek to just see what was up.
And decided to roll over to Sears and talk to Jeff about going to Tulsa.
Got the bright idea to go ask where my second interview was.

And viola, got hired.
OMFG, I have a job again?!?!
Hell yeah.
Drug test on Monday, and have to go get a new social security card. ^^;

Waited around a couple hours, and left with Jeff for Tulsa.
I played some GT4 on the way, but his screen is small, and I couldn't drive very well... so we ended up watching 2fast 2furious because Josh's girlfriend hadn't seen it, which by the way, they were riding as well.

I was really in the mood for some McDonalds, but Jeff would NOT stop for some.
We passed like 6 McDonalds, and every time they'd try to distract me.
'Cause I was REALLY bitching about it.
Ended up eating at a Carls Jr. Meh.

Finally met Audrey, and we all hanged out around Tulsa - like 15 of us.
Went down the interstate doing 40mph, good job.
But nobody got lost.
Except Trevin, who I was riding with then.

Ended up at some garage place, which was cool... all of us parked there.
I got word that there was a JDM Honda Civic SiR rolling with us.
So I went and checked it out.
OMG, Right hand drive... opposite side of the car.
Wow, I was amazed.
I talked to the owner, and everybody asked him to move his car near their's.
So he asked if I wanted to drive it.
And throws me the keys.

I love that car, it was... badass.
Driving it, was like driving a Corvette.
But I liked the SiR more than the Corvette. Jeez.
Shifting gears with my left hand was... different though.
And the key ignition was hidden, spent 5 minutes looking for it.
Right knob is lights, not the left.

And being used to reversing by looking over my right shoulder... doesn't work, that has me looking out the right window - DOH.
But it worked out.
Wow I drove an imported badass car tonight. ^^;

Besides this, Jeff missed the exit to I-40.
And we drove through a bunch of random small country towns.
And were EXTREMELY lost.
Eventually we were in Okumuglee county or whatever.
And asked the Sherrif where we needed to go, to get home.
This was was... retarded. RETARDED.
'cause he gave us directions to get even more lost.

But we found our way to I-40 after about 2 hours of driving around on highways.
And finding a town, where a guy led us to the interstate, yay.

Remember kids, what was said in the car, stays in the car.
Josh: "I think I'm getting high off my gas."

Almost as bad as when Jeff commented on me driving the SiR.
"You let him drive the SiR? He can't even drive that better than he can a right-hand car."
I laughed at him, and people almost slapped him.

Eventually I took a nap, and was suddenly in OKC dropping Josh off.
Then home.

Home sweet home.

What a fantastic weekend.

Would you do it?

2005-02-24T09:11:00.000-06:00

This ought to be a short post.
Mostly because I don't have much to write about.
...except that I'm getting weaker.
Not so much physically, just... my feelings?
Not anything particularly, I'm just not seeing things as I used to.
I need a difference.

A... conflict.
That's what I'm thinking of. Life needs a conflict, it throws balance together. For every positive, there's a negative. +1/-1.
I think this is why I've had the dreams I've had lately.
Worst part is, they include day dreams.
Well, mostly when I wander off in my head. Which is a lot.
When you don't have a basic conflict anymore, it seems like one is created. Gah.
How I act on the conflict, I'm not sure yet... need to learn how to deal with them.

Anyway, I drove around this morning, met up with Chris before his class and talked to my old teacher about taking the test next Thursday.
I'm going to Norman North HS this afternoon if I'm awake to talk to my AP teacher and see if I can shadow a day to see how I like a teacher's perspective.
As far as what to teach, definitely going to be High School I think - and most likely Government, or English.

I'm going to get some sleep soon, and need to plan what to do this weekend. I may see about going to Tulsa on Saturday with Jeff, but if something better comes along I probably won't.

I finished writing something not too long ago, mostly about my dreams... if they'd make sense I'd be happy.

"Motions disturbing the wind
Dancing away, they feel it both ways
Tender kisses I wouldn't know
The world filled with chaos
Yet solitude emerges for tonight
Through my dreams of pain

Disturbing dreams, following curves
Tear formed streams constructed
Such a thirst to cause hurt
Never apologize within your dreams
Desire requires immoral decisions

Fluttered away, seperated from origion
Like exhaled smoke in the wind
Chances of recognition impossible
Rushing away from the beauty
The solution will never be within grasp.

Never the blame if you're smiling
Even if it's time to sit aside
All that can be wished for
Is will he fully understand you
As I have?"

Aw, my kitty is in my lap. How cuteness.

What happened to reality?

2005-02-23T07:28:00.000-06:00

Wow. Just, wow.
I've been playing Lineage2 non-stop... for over 12 hours.
Not even hunting, one long-ass quest.
"Hi, I'm Cody, and I'm addicted to mmorpg's"
Might sound stupid, but I know now why people kill themselves over mmorpg's.
I'd be mighty pissed off if something happened to my account.

Not enough to kill myself, but I wouldn't be happy.
Nothing could make me intentionally kill myself.
Suicide is horrible.

Wow, the storm last night was awesome.
I was awake for all of it... even got wet.

My neighbor's house got struck by lightning, or at least their power pole did.
And I saw it from my bedroom window. Scared the shit out of me.
Bright light, and happened when I actually looked out the window.

Drove my brother and his girlfriend home during it, that was fun.
Talking about techno with his girlfriend.
She's finally won my blessing, for her awesome taste in music.
Maybe she's not so bad afterall.
Nah, she is. I'll like her as long as I don't have to live with her.

I wrote something earlier, spur of moment, but can't remember what I named it.
So it's lost somewhere. Doh.
I'm awesome like that, yeah.

I was rescued by the Gods today... finally.
Jeff came over, and tried to wake me up.
But was unsuccessful... too bad he doesn't know about my window.
Or the doors being unlocked.
He's the ONLY person who doesn't walk in.
Our house is an open door to friends/family... nobody knocks.
Except the religious people, who we chat with.
Gotta keep in touch with God somehow, right?
Bah, I'm going to Hell for that... and other things.

Aerosmith = great early morning music.
And I'm outties.
Need to finish quest in Lineage, and it's actually nearly complete.

Biggie Fries

2005-02-20T17:22:00.000-06:00

What time is it, where am I, and why won't my legs move?

The OU lan was cool, putting Jeff's computer together was amusing.
Eventually it just came together.
And we lan'd all night... well... morning.

So I go home afterwards, and sleep.
Then what do I do?
Go to another lan.
'Cause it's cool to do that, honestly.

But this LAN is probably one of the best.
Just for all the stupid things we laughed at.
And how we all 3 realized we've done things wrong, and should've gotten our special somebody a potato for Valentine's Day.
Because we know someone who did, and it was GREAT.
*sarcasm*

I want to write so much more, but I've been playing games.
And well... they're just games, not sure how to write about 'em.
And I'm yawning.
The whole sleeping on a couch was a good plan.
Being attacked by his dogs every hour or so.
I think it was their couch. =/

Gah, nobody is awake, and I'm kind of hungry.
There's some Biggie fries from last night, just laying over there surrounded by cans.
I wonder if there's cereal.
I know there's popcorn.

But I have NEEDS.
And I'm not a girl.
Or gay.

nightless bound

2005-02-17T22:18:00.000-06:00

she took the ice cream away from me.
and i was all like thinking, "damn it."
so i held her close and pretended the night would never end
her short brown hair, and adorable face
oh how could i ever let go?
i'd never be able to hide from your eyes
you'll always see me trying.

impress me not, for you've already won me.
no matter how many miles away you are every night,
i'll keep you close in my dreams;
'cause baby, you keep me in flight.
we can't fight tonight, just keep the laughs coming.
and those weird sounds you never expected
don't worry dear, i make a ton more.
and baby, don't hide behind your pillow
'cause i love to see you smile.

and all she ever had to do was
steal my ice cream from under my spoon.
she's my girl.

i ♥ my laura.

Life in the fast lane, Surely make you lose your mind

2005-02-16T23:29:00.001-06:00

uh. hi?

i uh, spent some time actually working today.
ran into a friend from my ap programming class, chatted with him a bit.
amazing the people you knew in high school, and lose touch with. =/
then went home, and got started on a renter's computer (my mom's renter).
my mom was yelling at my dad the entire time, nobody knew i was home.
i'm not sure this is gonna end well, but i doubt they'll get divorced.
but if they do, my dad will be gone back to wisconsin... bah.

anyway, jeff came over and we hung out for a bit, basically doing a whole bunch of nothingness. he got a job at sears, so makes me wanna kill something/somebody.
doug at computer medics in noble said if i wanted to, i could help him out.
but like zach pointed out, I'd be going against sean, who is like, one of my heros.
bah.

there's a lan friday at ou, but im not sure if im content with going yet.
i want to, and it's only 5$ or something... but... counter-strike all night?
that might get old, but then again, be a lot of fun.

yesterday was a lot of drama. high school drama.
but at least i know who my friends are from it now.

i had an idea before, but i gave up, and now i know for sure.

drama is for sale, highest bidder can have it. =)

anyway, time to finish the kitchen (because it seems to be my job now to clean up after my parents who can't walk 3 feet to the damn trash can).

grr.

and happiness... 'cause my pillow still smells good.
by good, like awesomely fabulous.

Life in the fast lane, Surely make you lose your mind

2005-02-16T23:29:00.000-06:00

Now, I'm extremely tired.

2005-02-14T22:58:00.000-06:00

Laura came over tonight, and it was wonderful.
I got an awesome Laura's pancakes offer... which I'm going to copy, and abuse. =D

I made Spagetti, but I forgot to get some veggies, so it was still good.
And we watched some of Super Troopers until I finished cooking, always a great movie.

And she seems to like the necklace I got her.
=)

Overall, the best night I've ever had.

And tomorrow, I'm off to the great state of: Texas.
Daniel is getting his tattoo, and I'm headed with him (not for the me getting a tattoo part, the keep him company and possibly drive back part).

Know what? My legs hurt.
And I'm extremely tired.

I'll be back late tomorrow afternoon. Wonderfulness.
Awesome Valentine's Day beyond belief, and a drive to Texas.

I'm not always the favorite, am I?

2005-02-12T21:55:00.000-06:00

I'm just tired, crabby, and tired.

I've been up way too long it seems, but I've done a lot today, so I guess I should say I'm proud.
The rain, it's nice.

I had the sunny days, and they were nice... but clouds needed to come.
And so they did, on the 6th day of the week.

I got a 2nd interview, whenever they call me. Hopefully they're honest about it.

Wow, every sentence has just about started with "I". Amazing.

Anyway, on my way home around lunchtime (I was hungry), I decided to stop by my brother's house to see if he wanted to go anywhere. Figured it'd be nice, and helpful - sure enough he did need to go to Blockbuster and the store, so I gave him a ride. You know, I resent my brother because of my car, but it came time that I realized that was stupid... he's my brother.
And I finally gave up, and stopped caring about him and Kristy - I'm taking him in the morning to go get her a Valentine's Day gift, which is last minute, but considering he can't drive. We talked during his errands, and forgot how much I really do love my brother, he's hilarious.

Anyway, I've been back to having weird dreams again.
But I think I've got them sorted out.

Piano crashing, and a foot I shouldn't have gone for.

2005-02-12T04:56:00.000-06:00

First off, I rode a buffalo yesterday.
And it was exciting.
Except for the fact that the buffalo was a statue.
And I was looking like a big loser.
BUT I RODE ONE.

I went to Bricktown with Laura, to walk along the canal...
Which was nice, the talking, and the elevator.
And the ducks, can't forget the ducks.
Even though I didn't have much to do with the ducks.

Bridges are for crossing over, so you don't have to walk so far around.
Didn't ya kno?

I also ate ice cream in front of Laura, without her.
Except, she eventually took a bite. Yay.
Me and the silly things I say, shouldn't be taken literally. =P
Except when I say I'm going to get your shoe off.
I'm going to keep trying, and eventually accomplish it.
Even if it means the bench gets a whacking, and the piano makes a loud noise.

I win though.
Pwnzored.

I've come to the conclusion that driving to Laura's, cannot be done in over 30 minutes.
No matter how much I don't speed.
Oh well.

Afterwards I thought of stopping at 12th, but decided against it... was being tired.
Napped for 2 hours maybe, and woke up wide awake, grr.
Interview in 6 hours, I'm not going to be tired at all.
Nope.

Did I mention I'm a little bored right now?
You know who should be awake, and with me right now?
3 guesses, 2 don't count.

Uh, does somebody have a cure for menopause? I need to get rid of it.
The hot flashes are... annoying me?!

So very pointless, I know; but, at least I'm not snorting coke kthx.

Lets add a thing to this post, then lay down to read, and doze off... good plan!

"Seperated by miles of road, traffic I never remember
Wires to permit your voice, such candy to my ears
And hellos that're not without leading to goodbyes
When the sun goes down, wonderful colors reveal
Darkness never seems to come
and yet dear, you make the sunsets wonderful.

You were surprising me, just a little bit
Keeping me on my toes, just everytime I see you
Millions of thoughts of the future, and you take me by surprise
Disappointment always absent, with the smile present
Oh dear, if only you knew what your smile does to me
A drug I couldn't walk away from.
You get me high from the view of your eyes
Oh love, you keep me moving, just a little bit
I was saved by your touch, something I could keep to myself.

All of the saddest songs disappear,
And I'm singing a beautiful tune of you.
I know much more of the light and it's grace
Since the day I noticed all the possibility
That soon I'd never feel down, and will only climb higher.

You keep me moving forward,
and I can only hope I repay everything you've given to me:
A smile upon your face, and uncontrollable laughter;
Warmness in the mornings, and such beautiful dreams.
You are just the angel, that the doctor recommended
All the boys couldn't even deserve, yet I feel so separated.
Wake up, and feel the morning air.
Oh dear, I love you.
What would you say, if I just held onto you, just a little bit?"

And, toodaloos.
That was my attempt at an English goodbye.
Outties I am.

It's Thursday... again.

2005-02-10T20:55:00.000-06:00

*yawn*

I'm tired, but I shouldn't be. It's probably due to the lack of caffeine in my system since my fridge is... empty.
I'd go get stuff, but I have no clue where my parents left off to, so just waiting to see if they come home with anything.

Yesterday was fun, had a bit of an Initial: D reunion @ Crossroads.
Me, Daniel, and Zach.
Plus Jeff. =)
Afterwards we ate at Chick-fil-A, oh, except Jeff and I 'cause we saw the subway across the hall.

The drive home wasn't safe for the public, just a bit of "where'd he go"-ness, because of the dark, and turning off headlights. Jeff and I... need help.

He scared me though, on my road - he suddenly disappeared behind me. But never fear, my brakelight is BRIGHT, so I found him driving behind me with his lights completely off. grr @ him.

Daniel and Zach eventually got here, and we just talked for a while.
I guess my Mom likes talking to my friends a lot?
As they were leaving, she stopped them, and started talking to them for 10 minutes.
I cam back in to get a Sprite, and viola, there was Zach and Dan still... wanting to leave.

Today was interesting, a bit? Went to Sooner Fashion Mall with Jeff to apply at Sears, and we ended up eating at Chick-fil-A, fo' reals this time.
Except Jeff, he got denied Chick-fil-A, 'cause they don't accept Credit Cards. =)

I'm not sure what I'm doing this weekend yet, hmm!
Sooo many possibilities.

I wanna see someone smiling when I wake up.
Don't yas kno?

It's Thursday.

2005-02-08T20:38:00.000-06:00

Uhm, wow... so it's gotten a bit cold outside, and my toes are feeling it.
Not because my foot is wet this time though.

I took my Mom to run a couple errands, which I had to drive by Hy-Tek twice... that was sad, 'cause everybody was there, and I was all being errand-driver.

So I sat and played about a hour or two of Lineage2 before Zach and Jeff came over, and asked why I didn't stop at Hy-tek. =/

They asked if I wanted to go to Harry Bears for the OKS weekly meet... which was a great idea. So we go there around 7ish, and Jeff being smart asks, "Today IS Thursday right?", and we just stared at him like "you've got to be shitting us."

So we're a couple days off, and decided to just eat since we're standing outside of there. Had a nice dinner, fulfilled with making fun of Jeff, doing Thursday jokes. Just about anything, had to do with Thursday somehow... but Jeff, this was payback for all the time we have nothing on you. =D

The manager came out, and asked if we could suffer a little more - and gave us a free huge plate of loaded fries (after we finished eating our food)... that was, not nice. I ate like, 10 bites before wanting to get Liposuction.

My Mom, is probably a person I'd never want to buy a car from. On the way home from running errands, she asks if my odometer works when my speedometer doesn't, "No, it's also broken due to the ineffective speedo.", "Oh, so wouldn't make it harder to sell the car then! It'll appear to have less miles, right?", "That and I have a new engine in it, yes.".

Bah, so I kind of wish it was Thursday night now, 'cause weekends have a positive thing. :)

This is a fat kid, full fat kid, saying outties.

Eh, fuck it.

2005-02-07T02:22:00.000-06:00

I am asleep.

Haters.

And you know what, Matchbook Romance might be starting to annoy me.
I'm really burnt out on them.

Actually, I'm burnt out on a lot of emo.
First I stopped going to emo concerts.
Now I'm just not really listening to it as much.

Last concert = Fall out boy, in what, July?
Even Daniel called me anti-concert.

Not my fault, Taking Back Sunday pissed me off by not coming to Oklahoma.
Whores.

I'm guilty. Of crimes.
Give me a multiple choice test, I'll pick out which ones.

Ah, Alanis, almost hit the spot, but not quite good enough yet for my ears.

There we go, Offspring.
No clue how those two are related, but they are mmkay?

Goals in life time!?
1.) Finish college, be a teacher. :)
2.) Wake up warm, snuggled. <3
3.) Own 5th gen Prelude.
4.) See Lake Hefner again... but with my bike.

Yep, I'd like those things please, and a side of ketchup on my hashbrowns plz.
kthx.

Oh, reminds me.
<3 == ♥ == my spanish speaking goodness lover == Laura.

Oh yeh.

This song, sounds pretty nice, but it's actually pretty - offbase?
Offspring - Way down the line.
I do believe I won't be ending up like my parents, tyvm.

I'm hungry, but I'm trying to refrain from going into the kitchen.
My parents are back into the whole "redesign" the house mood again, and it involved taking all the wallpaper down (which was good), but uh... they haven't gotten the replacement yet, so looks like shit.

Oh, and they cleaned the fridge, and somehow got water all over the floor, and won't vaccum it up.
And smells like le pew.

I miss loony tunes.
I need to watch Space Jam, but no VCR anymore. THANKS TARA, YOU RUINED IT.
(my cousin in case we forgot, or didn't know)

Post is getiting long, o shiznit.

The end! =)

I'm horrible with goodbyes.

2005-02-06T17:56:00.000-06:00

Superbowl is on, nothing interesting yet.

88888888888777777777777uuuuuiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

Not sure what that means, but credits to my white kitty cat. =)

Street is gone now, he got picked up today... just when I thought we'd be keeping him, he gets taken.
But now I wait a little bit, to get a kitty. <3

Such a fun day so far, of doing everything I wanted to do... for the most part.

Feels slightly cold outside.
That's my weather report, yes.

I had a big post planned, and somehow it went away. =(

Great, just great.

2005-02-05T13:37:00.000-06:00

I wake up and check my email.

I'M GOING TO BURN COX DOWN TO THE GROUND... MMKAY?
They never, fucking return my calls, and the 2 times they DID, I called RIGHT back only to get NO answer.

And I get this email:

"You recently submitted your resume for the Call Center Technical Rep position with Cox Communications. This message is to inform you that you have not been selected to move forward in the recruiting process. We appreciate your interest in Cox Communications and encourage you to continue to visit our website, www.cox.com/coxcareer, for future job openings."

GRR.

This, is going to be a bad week.

But, well, not so bad if I got this, it'd provide amusement:
http://www.thinkgeek.com/gadgets/watches/6a17/

You really can't quite techno, can you? "bum bump bum bump, doo doo, bump" Eh, yeh.

2005-02-04T23:38:00.000-06:00

Know what, I refuse to be TIRED.
That's right, absolutely REFUSE.

So I spent an awesome time at Laura's... watched a movie I didn't know I'd seen before, but even then - still a good movie.

And got made fun of so incredibly much while playing Scrabble.

But since I never quit, and such - if she put the board away, then she loses, right?
Yup, I won at Scrabble, that was entertaining. =D

I think I'm going to Chickisha tomorrow, haven't completely decided whether or not I'll have gas, but I'll be going? Eh, w/e.

Anyway, I'm damn tired as usual.

Dr. Pepper isn't helping me out like it should... tastes yummy though!

The Prelude is cleaned, wowmazing.

Sunsets should last forever, if ya kno' what I mean?

You know what, I had quite a bit on my mind today, and I seem to have lost my train of thought.

I uhm, might've cheated on Laura tonight.
I asked Jeff out, and he said yes.

We dated for about 5 minutes, before I dumped him when I came to my senses.

like, omgz.
I'm typing in this to stay awake.
How sad.

Street is on my bed, so I suppose I'll go to sleep now.

Know what I wish I could be doing right now?

No, I don't think anybody does.
It involves laying down w/ my eyes shut.
And being warm.

The green eyesYeah the spotlightShines upon you

2005-02-02T21:31:00.000-06:00

Uh, Let me think here...

Oh right, I've almost accomplished cleaning my room.

Just a couple minor things to do, but you know what would be nice?
A really big rug.

Yes, it'd be awesome.

So back from being a dork...?

A couple thoughts from tonight.

Why is it that you can be completely off, yet come across one thing that you completely overtake in accomplishment? I spent months figuring out myself, what it was that I wanted in my life, and everything I would look for.
I never really gave up, because that's just admitting defeat - that there's no possibility, I just discontinued efforts of really searching. It's funny really, I can go on about one event, and how it relates so mcuh.
The "couch incident".
For those who don't know, it was at camp - I walked in on the CIT's in the Lodge, and jumped over the couch, expecting to just land in the seat I was aiming for, and when I hit ground - my feet slid, so I kinda jumped over the couch, and almost under a table. I interrupted a story being told by the other counselor, Monger, and set everybody laughing at me for quite a while.

To go on about how this relates with what I'm talking about, I never expected to slip... I expected everything to happen just as I thought it would. I spent the summer escaping what was home, miles away - not that home was bad, it just gave me time to be insightful about my life, and teach. I never thought the result of jumping over that couch could possibly lead to having it be remembered the following days, weeks, and lead to a conversation with someone.

By now, you should know what I'm talking about.

I wasn't expecting it, I paid no attention to it. It's weird, I went the entire week without paying much attention to anything related, and look where it led, nearly 6 months later.
Giving me somebody who makes me happier than I was when I began the summer as a counselor. If I wanted to draw this out more, if it hadn't been for the director getting ahold of me to come back to camp, and me quitting the job I'd just started - nothing would've ever happened.

It led to last Saturday, when I find myself sitting in a car, looking out the window at a huge open lake. Honestly, lakes are banned from me, they bring the unexpected from the deepest of my mind. I was sitting there with the girl who I love entirely, thinking of day one, drawing out every little detail that led to me being at that lake.

And you know what? I'm not going to miss any of it, because more moments will come, of making her smile, of her making me smile.
Of meetings, and partings better left ignored. For a while now, quite a while, I've never parted from her, I've simply went back into a different trance of that night we spent together. I think of it, always, therefore she's always with me.

I'm in awe, really... I've finally been awe-struck. No matter how much more about her I learn, no matter how much of her history is revealed to me, a page of the many to see... I can do nothing else but become more in love with her.

Alright, seriously, time to use somebody's name in here... no more blind "her".

Laura, I love you. ♥
You're absolutely amazing, you're the girl with the green eyes I talk about.

"Green eyes

Honey you are the sea
Upon which I float
And I came here to talk
I think you should know

The green eyes
You're the one that I wanted to find
And anyone who tried to deny you,
Must be out of their minds

'Cause I came here with a load
And it feels so much lighter since I met you

Honey you should know,
That I could never go on
Without you

Green eyes, green eyes, ohohoh...

Honey you are a rock
Upon which I stand."

Remember you said"Kiss me sweetheart before you go again."

2005-02-02T02:24:00.000-06:00

Now I know how my hours got so messed up, I would stay up working or doing something on the computer - and not give up until I was finished, or near the end that I could nail it when I woke up.

I've spent the entire night of just writing php, and debugging. How entertaining.

Oh, I got chinese tonight, score!

And spent like a hour in Arby's.
But I was with Laura and Jeff.
And I missed the cool stuff.
And started not making sense, woo.

Anybody heard me say Laura is fantastic, and quite possibly the most awesome girl ever?
Yep, everybody has.
So I'm reminding you, 'cause I love her.

I saw her happy dance tonight, that was awesomeio.
K, I'm making up words, and am tired like 4 hours ago.

So I'm going to venture over to bed, and sleep.
And dream, 'cause thoughts happen when I'm laying still for hours.
Of course. =D

I had a weird dream the other night, that I was riding a horse through Oklahoma City.
And was terribly lost.
And I remembered thinking that horses could be led up stairs, but not back down.
But my horse could go downstairs too... 'cause he was cool.
Laura was there, helping me with directions to not be lost.
That was nice, convient really... 'cause I got unlost.
And what does this dream have to do with anything? Jeff was telling us about his senior prank at Arby's, and a cow not wanting to go downstairs.
And I suddenly remembered it.

But I figured out the significance of that dream. I like trying to figure out the reason behind dreams, interpreting them. Nobody really tells me their dreams, so I do my own... and it usually solves something I was thinking of.

Oh, right.
Bed.

g'night all!

This weekend is going to exciting? What, with Friday going to OKC, then Saturday going to Chickisha?!

OOOOOH yeah.
Sunday remains unplanned, boo.

2005-01-30T18:52:00.000-06:00

Driving alone makes it all so much better.

Well worth the sleep in between

2005-01-30T11:39:00.000-06:00

I'm in an excellent mood, and I have a couple things to thank for such.

This weekend has been great, I watched Clue at Laura's as well as went to see Lake Hefner w/ her.
I still think the gay guy was the murderer, but turns out that EVERY ending didn't even involve him, dammit! =(

Lake Hefner, was nice - I can't even imagine how nice the Lake looks when it's sunny outside, but makes me wanna fix my bike, and go ride around the lake when it gets warm. I think I will probably do that, I need to get new pedals, and tubes for the tires.

I fixed PreludePower this morning, and I think I'll work on it this week to get the new version up and ready for release.

Wow, I'm just... taken.

Somebody busted a big feather pillow openand made a winter wonderland.

2005-01-28T13:06:00.000-06:00

It's weird, I went outside this morning to grab my glasses since I didn't feel like putting contacts in yet... walked to my car, completely missing the fact that it's SNOWING on me, and around me.

Nevertheless, that my car had snow ON it.

Walked inside, turned TV on - and saw pictures of the snow on the news.
So I look out my window, and slap myself.
Nice, REAL nice.
Downside? It's all going to melt by tomorrow prolly.

But Sunday it'll snow again.
How about tomorrow night it snow, and I'll be happy?

My sleeping schedule is MUCH better now. I went to sleep at around 9 last night, and woke up at 7.
Much more content with that sleeping schedule than what I had.

I might go to N.OKC tonight and help a friend put his exhaust on his Prelude... depending whether or not he decides to do it today in the snow.

But today, I'm gonna go drive the snow off my car, and find something to do.

But here's a picture I scanned. I need to get some film for my Rebel, the quality is tons better.

snowy prelude

and I'm out of here!

Brr outside, yes it is.

2005-01-27T09:55:00.000-06:00

Hm, so besides my morning routine now of waking up before the crack of dawn...
My appointment got cancelled.

NO!

So I called, and found out I wasn't "cleared" for contacts now... weird, my eye doc told me I was?

So now that's been taken care of, so in a little bit I'll be leaving for it.

I almost had to drive the truck since I've got no gas, but I'm being saved now... woo.
I drove it the other day, well, more of moved it - SO different than my Prelude, I really can't stand the clutch in the truck.
And torque? wth... not used to that! Hondas = no torque, <3.

Anyway, still playing phone tag with Cox Communications, but if I don't get ahold of the guy there by Monday - I'll be going to Chickisha and Stillwater prolly to get info on those jobs.

I'd rather have the one in Chickisha (actually, it's some town closer to OKC than that, but same difference?), because I could just live in SOKC or something, and drive down I-240 to work, and still be close to home and NOKC.
=D

I'm outties of hereies.

Just get outyour words weren't absoluteand i should have known.

2005-01-26T11:28:00.000-06:00

"open eyes and bright sunshine
days i would best not ignore
left scrambling on the ground
when all I've done is dreamed of flying

warmth of the sun, birds of the trees
mornings i couldn't resist
where have you gone,
all i desire, all i've known
months i couldn't ignore.
but you left me here with your words
speechless at best"

and i dunno about finishing that one.
im gonna go out for a while, being home is kinda boring atm.

I love all that is lost right now, weird.
I can't explain that one, but it's nothing sad... it's more of happy.

I'm outties now, need to get gas, and such.
And just so I can use a word I've stolen.
I'm going to scootch my butt out teh door.
<3

All I did was what I had to.

2005-01-26T05:52:00.000-06:00

Alright, I'm back to normal hours now.
I'm adjusting to it, really... 'cause falling asleep at 8pm isn't normal hours.
Yesterday felt good, and I didn't abuse it by going skating. I think I will do that today, after I clean the shop - grr.
On lighter side, I replaced my fuel filter yesterday. Mom fronted me some money, so viola - my car runs hella better. Yay?
*shrugs*
I also went by Honda, and asked them to fix the recall on my car. They didn't have the parts in stock, so I have to wait for them to call.
Turns out Honda recalled the seatbelts 15 years ago - they were likely to jam, and removing yourself would be nearly impossible. *shrugs*
I got new seatbelts. =P

I think while I'm at it, I'm going to clean my car, ja. Good idea.

I still can't get ahold of fucking Cox! I give up on that job, everytime I call the number I get the recording. But it's not like they're returning my calls, ever.
I guess I'll find another job. Bleh, thought I was taking the lazy way out of this.

You had to see it coming...

2005-01-25T04:47:00.000-06:00

Happy Wintereenmas.

You have only been gone ten days,But already I'm wasting away.I know I'll see you againWhether far or soon.

2005-01-24T21:17:00.000-06:00

Yep, I'm not driving the Prelude for a while.
Stupid fuel system.
I'll probably get it fixed this weekend when I pick up the z3 fenders.
*shrugs*
Nothing major, just sad to drive the car when it's being all sluggish.

Ah, right, I got my hair cut today. I uhm, have no long hair anymore.
Or hardly any compared to what I had before. Hah.
Going to get it was fun, I was about to turn onto a street, a right turn from a parking lot.
And I'm watching this SUV to see what it's going to do, but it left me a lane open (2 lane road, it was in the far left so I could pull into the closet lane).
Well, I start pulling into my lane... being all nice and legal.
And wtf mate.
She changes into MY lane, without using a blinker, and honks the horn.
Woo.
Do people REALLY want their insurance rate to go up? Seriously now... it's annoying.
I'm about to give up driving until I move somewhere safer.

I'm hungry now, yum.
I'm outties.

Dreams sometimes do need to be shattered

2005-01-23T15:21:00.000-06:00

I had a nice little horrible dream.
About a spiderbite, got bit on my chest.
And it was a poisonous spider.
And I started dying.

But not that anybody cared.

I freaking hate dreams like that, especially when I think about what they mean.

Woo?

2005-01-22T02:49:00.000-06:00

Sorry Christy! I fell asleep around 12pm yesterday not waking up until 8-9pm, and forgot to check my messages until 20 minutes ago. Today?!?!!

Anyway, I found some spots where somebody decided to key my car... went all the way to the metal. They obviously know me, because they did it where I didn't need to repaint already, so I'm a little annoyed. Oh well, I got my car quoted at Flairs, as well as Justin's shop - and it's going to cost me 1700$ to have every ding, dent, and problem fixed... including where my roof is a little warped. It'll also include getting my front bumper's scratch fixed, and everything but the hood painted the way I want it. Hm, how to get the money now...

Oh, that's next in my life.
I submitted my resume to Cox Communications to do Tech Support as a full-time job, and well... I got a message yesterday from a guy saying if I was still interested in the job to give him a call. Yeah, as a matter of fact, I think I will today. =)

As much as I despise the way Cox does their internet service, I will be more than HAPPY to do tech support. Mostly because since Cox isn't a major corporation, I don't have to worry about my job going to somebody in South America. I'm going to give him a call around 8-9.

National Prelude Meet is in June, and I will be attending for sure it looks like. I'm taking Peter with me in my car (since he won't drive his own damn Prelude), and yeah, it'll be exciting. I'm not sure if I'll just get a hotel room in Stillwater or not so I can attend the parties and not worry about driving home afterwards around 3am, and drive back for the track racing.

I most likely will have my car done and ready for show by then. I've decided to keep the Prelude, and not sell it for a couple years maybe.

Bleh, I've had Animas logged into Lineage for the past 2 days straight doing nothing but leveling. I'm about to give up, mostly because a friend that plays too was calling me a loser for playing so much. Ya hear that, I'm a loser! So is she considering she plays almost as much as I do, so hah. In yo face.

I'm done. <3

"keep the noise down
sleeping completely motionless
the phone never rings
and the boy continues his dream.

ventures of society
the steps of the station
train that'll never be taken
days left alone, died young
shattered, broken, and so full of hope
this is the first step, aboard the train
hometown left behind, everybody he ever knew
and the boy continues his dream.

cried for the first time in years,
tears never touch pavement
the girl he never knew
and the love never experienced
this dream was so easy to sell
now in ashes, nothing left to spend
the time has come in sickness
and everything has become so messed up.
the greatest fear during that cruel december.

realization that one day everybody he knows
will die and fade away without words to speak
every chance given, was another chance to have been taken.
tender song of january plays so devestating upon his heart
another year, another dream
another day left motionless in his bed
the phone shall ring for the first time
and when her voice passes through the receiver
he'll feel the things nobody ever knows."

Great day for tennis, eh chap?

2005-01-20T04:47:00.000-06:00

Hah... time to face the music, I'm naturally nocturnal.
I got like 4-5 hours of sleep on purpose, so I'd be tired when 11pm came around.
Yah, no - I haven't slept yet, actually, since 11, I've been more awake.

I went to Jeff's house, and we washed all the cars (except his Mom's, got a bit distracted).
I've finally found every flaw of my paint, so I've decided to just strip all the paint sometime, and have it repainted. That'll be my next big thing, a paintjob... but meanwhile, small things must be out of the way *cough* speedometer *cough*.
After he finished washing the Vette, we got on the topic of tennis.
Well, it started as he could get money from selling his tennis racket.
Then got it to show me it was carbon fiber.
And found a dinky one.
And we started hitting the ball at each other, in the middle of the street.
I think it wasn't much of just hitting at each other, as to who could make the other person run the most.
I hit a couple home runs... and my car, and almost Jeff's car.
Ball almost when in the backyard of the annoying dog.
And I had to run all the way down the street after the ball 'cause I missed it.

Yep, tennis is AWESOME.
So I came home, and did ...nothing...
This weekend ought to be interesting.
I'm banned from Laura for another week.
Jeff is going to Dallas.
Zach is working pretty much the whole time.
I'm sure Christy will be working, too.
And Amy, I dunno.

Wow, I missed the weekends I had no excuse but to just play a game, or relax.
Oh, and I'm definitely going to school fall semester.
I did something stupid today, being bored playing Lineage2, I memorized every monster in my area, their level, if they're aggressive, and if they're social.
That was incredibly lame, but interesting. I also learned how to script another language.
So... moving onto useful skills I'll be using still when I'm 40?

Feburary should get here sooner, it'd be nice.
Actually, this summer would be quite nice, too.
Although I haven't figured out what I'm going to exactly do yet, it'll be exciting.

My parents are moving all the tv stuff out into the den... where our old couches are.
Which was a nice gesture, it's more comfortable.
And the room rocks, minus the dart board I despise. I'm not forgiving my parents for actually putting that hideous thing up.

But, the couches went to my brother's house - and smells like dog now.
And since they never really washed the dogs, (water doesn't count), it's horrible.
Oh, and there's the whole they're kinda torn up from their untrimmed claws.
Yeah, go tackiness.
I think I should rearrange my room, sounds like fun. I'm putting my bowl chair back in here... there's a proper name for it, but it's a bowl, and really comfortable.
So I like it muchos.

National Prelude Meet, which was held in Nashville last year (and since I was in the midst of the engine getting, I didn't go...), will be held in Oklahoma this year. That was really awesome, I was just browsing the site seeing where it was this year and if it was worth the trip - and viola, right next to Stillwater in Hallet.
So I showed Michael, and he looked at the race track in Hallet, and wants to go there before the meet to have a little fun.
And wants to race me.
Good lord it'll be fun, June 2nd-5th or something like that. There's already a bunch of sign-up's, so I'll enjoy myself. I mean, honestly, no reason for me not to enjoy myself when there's about 40+ Preludes in one spot, and they're all enthusiasts like me.
Best part? It'll be the first time I've actually seen a turbo, or a h22a engine swap in my Prelude. Good lord they're going to be fast. =(

And this concludes my ever-nerdy post.

I must decide, UCO or OU. Both have good academic programs for becoming a teacher.
But if I go to OU, chances are I'll be student teaching in a Norman Public School - and since I want to do High School teaching, maybe it'll be at Norman North.
That'd be cool, learning how to teach from a teacher who used to grade my papers.

Alright, I'm done.
I'll attempt sleeping soon. g'night.

Eh, Iuno...

2005-01-19T01:52:00.000-06:00

I woke up before Jeff could get to me today, go me.

Then again, it was like, 6pm?! Sooo lazy.
We went to eat at CiCi's with Zach and Christy - when mysteriously, Amy appeared from no where!
I'm not Christy's brother anymore. =(
Stupid me and my inability to say things correctly.

Then we all went to the theatres to see The Grudge, but they were in the parking lot deciding whether or not to see it, and I was tired... and since I'm probably working tomorrow morning, I came home.

It's been... 3 days.
Of 2 weeks. Hmm. Sucky.
Aw crap, in a week and one day, I'm getting contacts again!
WOO!
Wait, that doesn't qualify as a "Aw crap", do-over.
Oh yeh... in a week and one day, ...
You get the idea.

Well, I'm being a lazyass with the rest of my life, and have decided I'm going to do the one thing I know incredibly well.
I'm going to do school.
Well, more like, I'm going to be a teacher. I mean, face it, I've gone to school for 13 years, I know it best. Teaching would be awesome - what's better than making a bunch of preteens and teenagers hate you 'cause you give them tests?
Now to decide what the hell I want to teach... I was thinking something along the lines of something in the social studies department, like american government, american history... or I could do Physio/Anat, I loved that class.
I dunno.

Hm, so my blanket is getting abused by Street now it seems, it's all he ever lays on, on my bed. Which sucks, 'cause it's usually just hanging out there in the middle, and he's an incredibly fat cat - and hard to get up and moving, so I can't really get him moved.

I have sneaky suspicions, that I can't spell words right.
Nah, honestly, I'm pretty sure I need to bond with a good book.
Or get a job, that'd be good. I went to the hospital today, and this old lady helped me find the PR offices - and I was like, that's a hella cool job. Then I see the lil' patch on her shirt, that says "Public Volunteer", and that sucked.
And NRH, has no job openings for unqualified people like moi.
I'll find something I can enjoy eventually. Too bad I don't live in Austin, TX - there's a really good job opening there, Fulltime, and I'd never hate it.
Game Support for Lineage2.
omg, like, get paid???!?!?!111one!!! for being associated with a GAME?
I'm done. Fired.
I'm going to sue Donald Trump, that was my saying, "... Fired!"
Bleh. Theif.

Anyway, I'm done, and here's something I wrote:

"The sound of the elevators,
And the entrances of the ambulances
Doctors and their aides rushing
Another one feels closer to the end
And lord I hope it isn't you.

Faces I could never recognize,
Smiles that'll disappear in the midst
of confusion, and tears.
Remember when we played those games of cards
All those fights I shouldn't have started
And that ice cream run at 2 in the afternoon?

Send me a postcard another time;
telling me about the view
Give me a hint to the surprise of life;
years from today.
Because you know I'm always selfish
And want to just hold on a little bit longer.

The sun always presents a show:
Every morning and night-
Stay a while, and share the moments with me.
I'll ensure you're happy.

Lean on me a little longer
And I'll be your reason for tomorrow."

2005-01-16T16:00:00.000-06:00

"this is your unwritten law,
my list will go on for days.
i haven't seen the brightness, since that awful tuesday morning.
has the war began today, have we been lost this long
no armor tonight, your ammo of tears will puncture through

i am, a somebody
i wrote all the wrong words
now i stand in the crowd, lost in this word of life
how could've i been so foolish,
how did i not see what was to come?
the minute we kissed in this park alone
i was ready for the days to come.

i might be foolish, i might be deserted
but i am not without."

For once, sleeping in didn't seemed so out of place. I've got a lot of things I want to do, and yet I've no idea what they are. I'm thinking of going to New York to visit James. March maybe? He's right, this is my one life, why not accomplish everything I want to do - now. I want to see New York.

Despite the past events...

2005-01-16T05:00:00.000-06:00

I am incredibly, in a good place right now. I took a different route home from OKC than I usually do, and hit I-35South, as soon as I hit the new pavement, I started putting my tach down to 7k rpm's.

Putting that to speed terms, that an excess of 130mph in my car, I think it's about 150mph? I'm pretty sure it could be off a little, but it felt good.

I did a quick midnight run, to deliver something to an unexpecting Honda Accord, but what can I say... it both, had it coming, AND deserved it. =)

Bed should be where I'm headed now, it's 5am.

I'm in love with Laura, in case you haven't caught on.

//?

2005-01-15T18:29:00.000-06:00

My life is lived between time restraints, and deadlines.
What does it take to break free, and be the one?
How can I confirm everygood thought, and kill my pessimism?

Just as I laid down after Laura left, I got asked to drive to Moore.

"This is to a girl who got into my head
with all these pretty things she did
Hey Baby, You know that you keep me up in bed"

What I wouldn't do to break free, and fly.
To know I'm the one.
I'm not going to the OKR meeting tonight, or to NW Expressway to cruise w/ Jeff.
I feel like just moving my room around so I can put my chair back in here - then just watch TV wrapped up in my blanket.
And drinking something good.

I want to be in a trance, that I can't remove myself from.

Lenny Kravitz - I belong to you

2005-01-15T13:00:00.000-06:00

On the other side of the moon,
There's a face that'll never show.
The man of two faces, so high in the sky
When you hold my hand, I'll always fly.

But you won't know how it feels,
Everything inside of me - you just won't know.
I am not everything I wish to be,
Your pilot, your navigator, your reason for rising.

And I'm leaving this unfinished. I forgot what time I went to sleep, and what time I've waken up.
My mind isn't wanting to correspond with my head's coordinates.
So I'm going to do the next best thing, play a game for a while.

I'm a bit on the hungry side,and you make my cravings go away.

2005-01-13T22:14:00.000-06:00

You know, a normal sleeping schedule WAS fun.
Sure, mine wasn't exactly normal... but I shall try normality again?
Mostly because I *work* again tomorrow?

Anyway, I'm kinda hungry right now, for anything other than fast food.
Which, since there's everything available in fast food, I have no clue what I want.

Ice Cream sounds good... but it'd be sad if I didn't have my ice cream lover there too.
Eating ice cream in 2º weather, psh.

Yay, tomorrow is Friday, know what that means, RIGHT?
Well, if you do know what that means, then share it with me... 'cause I obviously don't.
I'm going to try going camping on Saturday in Sulphur, if Jeff figures out whether he has anything planned.
I've been wanting to go camping for some time now.

And a desire to fix my bike.
So I'm going to do that tomorrow, and get back into it!
Get myself in shape... for this summer...
And go on a trip.
But nobody I know rides anymore, so I don't know if that'll 'pan' out.
I miss the days of going on the 100 mile bike trips.
And getting sunburnt to hell.
Can't forget dehydration.

Which, just now remembering - I'd drink the least amount of water at camp, and I NEVER got dehydrated... or a headache, or anything.
I'd be in the staff cabin downing a sundrop or something. =)
I did get sick like twice, but it wasn't anything close to being dehydration, I have no clue what caused it.

Anyway, enough of memories, I made something tonight.
Which turned out goofy.
But I dare not spoil this.

David Letterman is on, and I'm going to bed soon - bleh, whatever.

I'm outties.

Sleep is... soon?

2005-01-12T21:40:00.000-06:00

I've done a lot today.
All which started at 3am... I played games, went and socialized with friends and got info on schooling.
And worked.
I never realized how much I missed making money.
From working on computers.
So I treated myself, to a full tank of gas.
And a Bacon Cheeseburger from Ozzie's.

I'm quite tired now, ty.
I've done a lot of figuring out today, and I settled to the conclusion that:
Everything is good.
And I'm reaaally tired.
Good night.

i curse at the gods.

2005-01-09T04:38:00.000-06:00

Just as everything was getting better...
I come home from Zach's house, clean my desk area, and setup my desktop computer.

Which... died.
It seems to only want to work when it feels like it.
Actually, it did... it wouldn't start up at Chris' house.
Then I unhooked everything and took a look inside, hooked everything back up, and it worked.

Did it again at Zach's house.
Took it apart, checked the connections to the HD and everything.
Worked.

Came home.

Didn't work.
Took it completely apart, hooked everything BACK up.
Didn't work.
Move everything around.
Worked.
Moved computer into it's cubby.
Didn't work.
Doesn't work.
Dead.

I'm pretty sure my RAM is fried.
But it's not definite whether or not that's the problem.
I don't have an extra stick of DDR Ram anymore, so I can't test that theory.
Chris doesn't use 2 sticks of RAM, and Zach uses SDRAM.
So yeah, no real way to test that theory unless I buy another stick of RAM.

Mitch's computer might use DDR, but it's at Jeff's house right now, and I can't go over there right now.

I'm actually, frustrated over my computer right now... I haven't been in so long, because everything is such an easy fix, that I never have to worry. I fix it, and go along playing my games again.

So, lets review my list.
My computer is being retarded, AND
my car is being retarded.

Woot for technology.
If it's infact my RAM that is fried, I'll be out of luck for a while. Another stick of ram will cost me no more than 80$, and seeing that I have no job... no RAM.

My laptop plays Lineage2, which is surprising... but it's got such a small screen and resolution bites.
Oh well, desperate times call for desperate measures?

Tomorrow will be a new day.

We're both such magnifacent liarsSo crush me baby, I'm all ears

2005-01-07T16:55:00.000-06:00

I was going to head to Chris' house tonight, and LAN with him.

But you know what, now I'm not exactly in the mood.
Actually, not much in the mood to do anything specifically, except write, and sleep.
I bother getting hopes up on something, only to have them later ruined?
Hope, sucks.
So does my overthinking everything, and going back to the pessimistic side of results rather than optimistic. Sometimes it gets cloudy enough that even a possibility has no bright side, it'll always have dark effects. The only other result could be that there is no result, it's a void matter of thought - but that rarely seems to happen. Am I not enough to bring happiness, to anybody?

"September never stays this cold
where I come from
And you know
I'm not one for complaining,
But I love the way you roll
Excuses off the tip of your tongue
As I'd slowly fall apart (slowly, quietly, slowly)
Fall apart...

This won't mean a thing tomorrow
and that's exactly how I'll make it seem
Cause I'm still not sleeping,
thinking I've crawled home from worse than this"

TBS has the lyrics best right now for my train of thought I guess, awesome emo.

Anyway, I feel like something is going to happen soon. All I can do is either let it happen, and get it over with... or fight it.

all good things result in smileeverything else should be banned.

2005-01-06T05:14:00.000-06:00

yesterday, and sadly probably today - is a whole lot of nothing.
just hanging out around the house, few cleaning spurs, but basically playing Lineage2.

Which reminds me - I put 3 new pictures up over there --->
Took them yesterday and today.
I think it's safe to say I'm addicted.
it's been freezing outside. supposed to hit single digits tonight.
Which would be awesome... if it hadn't just rained. Everything is ice now, which means I can't be driving around - potentially an unsafe thing. I moved my car into the shop last night around 3am to keep my doors from freezing just in case I did leave.
I think every central Oklahoma school district closed for Thursday... which is cool, but I really wanted MNTC to be open so I could go arrange to have my A+ test and etc.
I have nothing else to do... was also planning on going to a couple places for jobs. Two dental clinics are hiring front desk assistants, and I was going to check one or two other places while I was at it.

CODY'S RULES OF DRIVING ON ICE
Since I'm seeing people do stupid things on TV...
1.) Don't drive a truck. If you have to, fill the bed with the heaviest stuff you can find. Preferably, SANDBAGS or fat people.
2.) Don't come to a complete stop... ease your brakes early, and approach the intersection slowly, but keep some momentum, you won't be tractionless when light turns green.
3.) If a stopsign is leading uphill, take the risk of getting a ticket. Approach slowly, check for cars, and keep rolling through. NEVER slow down and let people onto the uphill climb. They'll get their momentum, keep yours... otherwise you'll piss people off behind you 'cause everybody ends up stuck.
4.) Unless you're driving an AWD/4x4 CAR, you're not going to be any better than the FWD's on the road, you're just as good as a truck. FWD has the weight above the spinning wheels.
5.) If you have a manual transmission, then try staying in the highest gear you can for that speed... no need to be slipping your tires, fool.
6.) Don't drive if you don't have to dammit, the salt+sand mixture on the road will rust your car... and those who HAVE to drive, don't need you messing with their trip.
7.) If you managed to not follow the rules above, and get stuck or wreck - don't call AAA or a tow truck, just get the blankets you should already have with you, run the heater, and stay warm until your family comes and picks you up. I'm going to need AAA before you 'cause of people LIKE YOU. Don't 'cause the smart people more problems because you couldn't drive defensively in ice conditions.

That is all.

I have done my body good today, ate nothing but junk food. And yes, it was very yummy. Bah, good stuff never comes on TV this late. I should just go to sleep for a couple hours.

Oh, and here's this:

"This goes for the stairs I'll never climb,
I'll never feel that life has left me dry.
Never begin to think I'd give up on my dreams
There are days I believe I've been living them;
And days I know much more is to come.
So these steps leading above can stay unclimbed
Because I know way around where I am -
So I think I'll stick around here for a while.

This goes to the hearts I'll always break,
My friends, don't you see there's so much better?
I am with my cup filled - and I need not more,
Accept this apology whereas your cup will be filled
By the souls of better companionship.
Just remember I can never say goodbye,
My destiny leaves me stuck at hello.
Never leave entire faith within me,
For I can remain without words at best.

This goes for the girl who'll keep me around,
Haven't you realized my dear? I'll never give up.
There'll always be a door for you to walk to,
And warmth for me to share, though all I ask in return:
Keep me warm as well, keep me as welcomed as yesterday.
And dear, you'll never be apart of the lonely.
I'll keep you company, and stay up those late nights.
You are my caffeine of life, preventing such sleep.
Thoughts are always a pleasure.

This goes for the life I've been dealt,
Keep throwing me your worst, and I'll battle.
I am a soldier of my own calvary, I can take it all.
Tomorrow always supplies a sun...
So the darkness will never last.
I share my magic of laughter among,
You'll never break through the lines,
No matter how strong the offensive strike;
Because my defense will always come out on top."

Orange Bowl

2005-01-04T20:20:00.000-06:00

Well, I was going to go watch the game tonight with Christy & Amy @ Christy's Aunt's house, but on the way out the door... my Dad asked him if I could just drop him off at a bar so he could watch the game and not be alone.
That was sad... because my Dad is awesome.
So I stayed home to watch the game with him... we ran to the store, got all the snacks we'd need, and viola - watching the Orange Bowl together. Good 'ole times.

I'm kind of glad I replaced my foglight bulb today... it's gotten cold, and well... icy. It should like, not ice - then I go north, then it ice and snow me in.
With a pal... like, a girl I know, a special one.

This game has been pretty unbelievable so far, but I think the Sooners can still win, 2nd Quarter, 21-7 USC.

Hm! Oh, tomorrow I find out if I go to school this semester... there's a very possible opening from what I was told today, so looking good. =)

Of course I am.

2005-01-01T04:42:00.000-06:00

I'm tired.

Yesterday was Laura's birthday, went bowling with her, and her friends.
And we watched The Graduate.

I finally figured out where the ending scene of Waynes World 2 came from, hah, kinda ruined it - but it's all good.

She got her car, and well... when I get the bonding time with it, she gets her present. I'm not too sure it's a secret anymore, but shh. :P

And you know what, I think I've got the greatest thing going for me. A tall burnette w/ green eyes. I love Laura, I do.

Ah, right... I modded my Prelude a tad. Speedometer worked for most of the night (it worked for about 15 minutes after I left Laura's as well, but nope... it went away again). I don't get why it works when she's with me.

Lots more, but I'm so tired.

Oh right, when I got home, I got news about my brother.
He's getting married it looks like, and well...
I want to try so hard to give him my support, but honestly - Christy is the worst thing to ever happen to him, and he doesn't even stop to realize it. If they have offspring, I might cry. At least my Mom agrees with me.

Welcome to 2005 everybody, lets enjoy it!

The dawn is breakingA Light is shining throughYou're barely wakingAnd I'm tangled up in youYeah

2004-12-26T13:58:00.000-06:00

I, have never had a better Christmas.
Even when this year was looking shady, it became so much better.

This song is absolutely awesome, Howie Day - Collide.
I kept attempting to download it, but every chance I tried - I'd forget the title or the artist. Thanks Amy for finally helping me get it. =)
And thanks for letting me be with your family yesterday... I absolutely love your grandma, she's so awesome.

Yesterday went down like this:
Christy and Zach surprised me, by waking me up, and we went to Denny's for breakfast.
I got home, and Amy got here shortly after... where I went to Moore/OKC with her, to meet her family and such.
I got hangers! Woo! Seriously, they're incredible. I have to say, I've never had a Christmas like this, one that's so... amazing, and doesn't forget the reason of the holiday.

I also learned how to play Tripoli, which is like, the coolest game I've ever played. Now all I've got to do is find people to play with me. =)

I fell asleep around 8pm, 8-9... and slept until 12pm.

Christmas Eve, was awesome.
Christy and I took a roadtrip early morning, because I had a last minute idea.
We also went to Penn Square where she did some gift shopping.
From there, it was on the way back to Norman.

I got to Laura's house around 2:20ish...? Had a nice conversation with her Mom.

I got a blanket with my name on it... in butterflies.
And, FRAPPUCINO'S!
woo. Best Christmas gifts ever.
But have to save the best for last, I got a card she'd made... it was really, spectacular. As if she hadn't won me over with the card itself, she added this really cute smilie face on the back. =)

I think I left the card there by accident. =( The blanket had been put into a sack by her Mom (I think, or Laura did it when I wasn't watching), and I assumed the card was in there too.
I shall get that back.

Laura's birthday is on Friday and I'm hoping she likes what I have gotten for her stolen car.
Stolen, but cleaned now? =P

I'm going to go get my shower, and be ready for the day. I'm meeting Zach at 4pm @ Ozzie's.

it's days like this i fall flat onto my face.

2004-12-23T13:00:00.000-06:00

I haven't really told anybody this yet, mostly because I'm ashamed.
But I've got a lot on my mind, and I need to get it out somehow.

Last semester, was a waste. I was doing great, until my parents stopped paying for college.
Which means, college didn't want me there... since I wasn't paying or anything.
so basically, I was screwed over.

Initially, I DID have the tuition money... but I let my parents talk me into loaning it to them.

Funny part of all this is that I'm being yelled at by my Mom for owing her 40$.
She owes me like 953$, and a semester of my life back.

My birthday this year, was the worst. I got, absolutely nothing?
Well, no, camp was fun... and I thank the people there who gave me the one reason to have a birthday this year. Especially the CIT's, and their creativity.
Other than that, I had to call home that night for somebody to at least say something about it being my Birthday... then my Mom tells me she has a gift for me, and well, she lied.

Christmas, is no different. I have no money, because the only time I eat is when I pay for food. There's the occasional once every week maybe that somebody buys food at the store, but that's really rare. The money I do have, I don't have yet, so therefore I'm sort of fucked on doing anything. The one thing I'm glad for doing, was the fact that I got Laura's birthday present a long time ago. If everything pans out, I will somehow manage to get my Christmas shopping done today, and have enough gas for tomorrow.

Ah, now, the best part of Christmas this year...

The holiday spirit in my house.
My Mom is back on drugs, perfect time of the year.
So she's back into the whole spending all her money solely on drugs, blame everybody else for her problems that she's created, and well... we're not having a Christmas this year.

Like, literally... I will probably be waking up December 25th, grabbing a Sundrop from the fridge, then do absolutely nothing.
Actually, correction, I MIGHT go down to the community dinner thing, and volunteer.
That's if I've got the gas, and can pretend it's a great day.

Oh, my Mom lost my final transcript, and ACT results.
No, she has the first ACT I took when I was sick and hurried though it. I'd prefer not to submit those scores.
I attempted to apply at MNTC, back into the Networking Program.
It's a weak maybe that it'll happen.
If it doesn't, I won't be going to school next semester.

I know it's time for me to get a job, move out, and work my ass off in life, but I still feel it's incredibly retarded for somebody to have to sacrafice their chance at an education just so that they can manage their life.

It's time for me to stop, and think about what I can do to change today. Tomorrow will always come after today, but what tomorrow brings depends on what I make today.

Ah, almost forgot.
The one thing my Mom has decided to do for Christmas?
Cancel our internet plan.

And I kid you not, her reason?
It makes me happy being at home, and life becomes much more tolerable.

This has been a lot of grief, but before I end this, I spent one of the best nights of my life, last night with Laura.

Wow.

2004-12-22T10:59:00.000-06:00

What's this white stuff on the ground outside my window?

And all over my car?

COULD IT BE?

SNOW!

Do you think I'm wasting my time,doing things I wanna do?But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

2004-12-21T20:18:00.000-06:00

I went to my appointment this morning, which was amazing considering I woke up 20 minutes before I was supposed to be there - and still had to get gas.

I got there about 5 minutes late, I was so proud.
Considering it was a drive from Norman, to N. 10 St. and I-235.

After that, I came home and took a nap. I laid in my bed last night trying to sleep, for like 3 hours, but just couldn't doze off. I ended up fixing the PC I've been putting off, as well as watched the 5-6am news.
Finally figured out that baby thief thing was about... well, got the full story, AND the Oklahoma connection to it.
I just laid in bed thinking mostly, I've got a lot of explaining to do.

I am, amazingly happy.
Not that I wasn't before, but it's incredible how happy I am, and how hard it is to actually change that mood.
I have a completely WONDERFUL girlfriend.
Four great friends.
And I'm still lucky enough to have a very important person in my life near me.

But, extended thought... this isn't a thanks for being my friend and making me happy. I already tell you that.

What are you waiting for?
Everybody has a dream, hopes, but they always put it off until tomorrow. I know it's impossible to fly to Europe when you've only got 40$ in your name because you're a poor college student, but I'm talking realistic life goals, what is holding you back? I can't possibly allow myself live for tomorrow, when I've got the entire day to celebrate. I make today great, and live my own dream. I am living my dream right now, and well - I haven't come up with an ending to this dream. That's what life should be, living your dream - not worrying about the past affecting today, and tomorrow's planned events to affect today's. Step forward, shoot for what you want.

I'm going to probably go to sleep early tonight, I want to get a lot accomplished tomorrow.

I can't let goof all the times I never said goodbye

2004-12-20T14:43:00.000-06:00

I've woke up late, but hm, what to do today?

I know I'll be definitely finishing this compaq computer for my mom's friend.
Maybe burn this Hawthorne Heights CD.
So I can listen to it in my car...?

Saturday night I went to Chris' house... well, we drove around Crossroads Mall looking for Jeff - but that didn't work out. I played Lineage2 with him all day.
I left around 4pm, to go see Laura.

Watched 'How to lose a guy in 10 days'.
"Qat" is a word, why doesn't anybody believe me?
I'm supposedly a loser, what what?
Mirrors Mirrors everywhere.

And I got the last one.
I tried to share, but I ended up eating paper with it.

Along came, thought process.

2004-12-17T23:53:00.000-06:00

I got a lot accomplished today for myself, and not so much accomplished for others.

Mostly, I think I was still living in my High School world, where I didn't much care what happened around me. This could potentially suck for my friends, but then again... it's better for myself to finally figure it out.

I used to skip classes in High School... I could do it, and get away with it. I made decent grades, and never failed a test. When college came around, I hated the idea of skipping. I'd do it, but it would feel so wrong.
This is where I started thinking about all this.

I want to live. This is the easiest way to say it.

I want a professional job, doing something I love... I can wake up in the morning, and just walk out the door and not even think of why I'm doing that.
I want my own life, and be able to express my joy and gratitude.

Question is, what do I have now that'll lead me there?

And plans change way too easily.

2004-12-17T18:28:00.000-06:00

I woke up at 3pm.
So instead of building my box?
I put my rear seats back in. Got tired of hearing my exhaust.

Went all over the place... but did nothing!
Now I'm home, and I go to Lindsey's house at 7:30.
Excitement.

Edmond is only 20 minutes away... but it's a hour now?
Wow.

I'm outties, my cellphone needs to be charged, and I don't know where my charger is.

So, if needed to be reach.
Too bad.
Because I don't know where exactly I'll be the rest of the night.

I'm tired finally

2004-12-17T04:41:00.000-06:00

Two posts in one:
Life update.
Blogger update.

Lately has been good. Tomorrow night I'm going to hopefully catch up with Lindsey, so I can give her the birthday present I've had all this time. I just now remembered she had mine, from JULY. Actually, more like we were both counselors and she wouldn't have had time to get one then, but it's understandable.

Today I woke up in time to not be waken up by Jeff.
Seriously people, get a new obsession - like, CALLING to wake me up. Or just show up, I give up now I guess. One of these days it isn't going to be Jeff, Zach, or Daniel waking me up, and things could end up weird. My parents let anybody in through the door, it's sad.

I got the bright idea to stop by and surprise Laura.
Turns out I was a little late, I missed her taking a nap.
But oh wait, at least she was there so my plan wasn't a failure.
And I do believe she was surprised by me. Or flowers. Or both.
I saw the penguin, wow.

Afterwards, Jeff and I ventured to get supplies for my car. Wood, and carpet.
Eventually, YES, I will get around to fixing real problems, like my headlight, speedometer, misfiring, and paint. Those can holdoff for the moment.

tomorrow we're going to actually assemble what we can in the time we have.

I don't even remember yesterday for the strangest reason... Zach fell asleep so I didn't hunt any with him last night, but's alright - I've been extremely tired lately too; weird.

I NEED TO FIND A WINDOWS98 CD.
...so i can finish this computer sitting behind me for my mom's friend. if i get it done, i get the rest of the christmas money i need.
Now, I already pretyped the rest of this, so time for sleep. :)

For my blogger... I got my late night addiction to redo my blogger, problem is - I could never come up with anything creatively new... only ways to redo the current template.

SO.

Viola.

Changed the title, the image, side menus, and instead of showing all my posts on one page - it only shows one post per page.

The lineage2 adventure will be a bunch of pictures i take from in game, since the scenery is breathtaking at time.

such as when Zach decides he can wrestle a bear.
i'm not sure i'll go through with that menu though.

I'm going to change the way comments work, it'll be a tad difficult, but it's very workable.

Lemmie know what you think.

shall you perish tonight, i dare not care.

2004-12-15T18:06:00.000-06:00

I'm going to update before spending the next couple hours on redoing my blogger. I know I'm obsessed with changing it, but it's all I have right now other than preludepower.com to mess with. Difference is, pp.com gets boring sometimes, and the blogger has code I've yet learned to play with.

"What would you say, if I asked you not to go?
to foget everyone, to forget everything, to start over with me?"

I'm having problems finding something to listen to, but Matchbook Romance works at the moment.

I know what I want now. Film.
Actually, I need to find my camera, but most importantly - I want a roll of film.
And to develop it, I NEVER develop my film. It's sad, I still have pictures from camp needing to be developed.
I should get a digital camera, would work out much better for me.

I haven't done too much lately. Monday I spent a lot of time with Laura, bought her to Norman after picking her up at her Dad's and going to the Mall.
Well, two malls, I'm really OKC-stupid.

Had more chinese food, it was good. We walked around, she looked at xmas presents for people, and I realized I should be banned from Bath & Body.
I have a problem looking for cute things, without realizing what comes with them.
Footscrub, or whatever. Not offensive, never.

I have a lot of remaining thoughts from that night, but have yet to sort them all out. I should make a handbook for myself, that includes guidelines and policies of how my thinking process should work. Then maybe I won't overthink anything. Everything is a different experience.

Yesterday, I can't remember? I remember waking up late, well, rather early afternoon.
2pm.
I went to a salvage yard to look at Preludes, hoping to find something worth playing with. Nothing came up, I nearly got a clock, but it didn't work.
Damn those clocks.

50degrees in Washington right now according to the news, hmm.
Friday, I'm doing nothing.
Saturday, I'm going to go to North OKC again, meeting up with a guy I know and get some stuff done hopefully... then eventually wonder over to Crossroads Mall to a meeting.

I need to finish this computer sitting behind me, it's more xmas money.
Actually, there is something I'd like to go do on Friday, see somebody I haven't seen in forever. I still need to give Lindsey her birthday present.
I've been horrible, I know. =(

wednesday

2004-12-15T13:53:00.000-06:00

i was in a deep sleep.
honestly, i dont know why i was so tired from yesterday.
but i was!
All I did was go look at parts for my car, and get my car valued as-is.
Oh well.

I'm going to do some xmas shopping today.
Maybe.
After I go to zach's.
know what i want for christmas?
motivation to get a job.
i wouldn't mind working, i just don't want to go apply.
grr.

noble needs a dispatcher for their police dept.
i might try that, i wouldn't mind being on the good side of noble pd.

time to find sockies, and roll out.
i like having my car back, but the one thing i imagined doing, I don't do a lot of yet.

ugh.

2004-12-12T21:37:00.000-06:00

I've been downloading since 5.
And am now in two places, downloading the same thing.
Is playing Lineage2 this important to me anymore? Grr.
I'm in the OU Student Union now.
Been needing to use the bathroom for a while now.
But can't leave laptop, download will die if I take with me.
Boo.

Tomorrow ought to be fun.

2004-12-11T13:39:00.000-06:00

I'm working on another blog template, something I like better.
Something basic. =)

I'm giving in, and have started getting my car ready for a system.
One subwoofer, and a 400watt Amp.

I'm going to Thunder Valley tomorrow, possibly.
*yawn*

Coats for Codys.

2004-12-11T02:40:00.000-06:00

I got an early Christmas present tonight: a coat.
Not any coat... the coat I wanted.
Can't think of what they're called... so check it out.
And tell me. I'm too tired right now.
Went bowling with Jeff.
After playing pool with Jeff.
Hung out with Jeff tonight, quite a bit.
We're about even in both games. Yep.
Not bad for last minute planning.
I had something else in mind to do, but didn't work out.
But all is good, Monday comes quick enough.
Tomorrow I get to mow a yard.
Yay. Wait. No.
Zach and James came over, too.
We played a bit of Halo 2, with Jeff.
I liked being on the winning team.
Makes me feel like a winner.
No clue why I'm using this typing format anymore.
It's just straight-forward, and I'm tired.
So bite me.
HARD.

thank you.

And good night.

Oh. Who wants to go to Wisconsin with me?
My Mom suggested I visit my Dad's family up there.
Which includes me driving to Wisconsin.
I need somebody to ride along, and sing road songs.
'Cause that's great fun.

And good night.

"I can’t believe the news today
Oh, I can’t close my eyes and make it go away"

Venturing to my car for this CD.

By the way.
I can define love in one word, a noun.

I guess I want 200$, or structure of some sort.

2004-12-09T23:08:00.000-06:00

interview tonight, was long.
this is the first job to require me to pay them.
200$. for licensing fees from Oklahoma.
I don't have 200$.
Therefore I don't get this job. Hah.
I'm going to dress funny nice tomorrow.
And search.
Cause I have no life sometimes, and do that stuff.
Job searching stuff.

I shall make my mom proud.
Speaking of mom, she hates me.
Nothing new, I just do things differently than she plans.
Like not thinking illogically.
Or constantly lying to people.
But that's a long story... and don't feel like saying much. Woot.

Listening to Thrice again.
I'm actually moving music phases again.
Oh joy.
Good song: The Decemberists - Here I dreamt I was an architech.
Thanks Sara for that song.

Best part of tonight?
Driving around in a block.
And pointing out planets that're invisible to the naked eye.
They exist. Get a telescope.
The hug, nice.
My gasses, not so much nice.

Time to go look for yum yums.
I want my check to come in tomorrow.

2004-12-07T15:51:00.000-06:00

driving around okc was fun.
i have my glasses now. yes, i hate them.
2 weeks until i can get new contacts, poo.
interview seems to have gone good. I'm a little confused of what my job would be.
I'm some kind of management, just don't know what kind.
He said manage people.
I can do that.
2nd interview thing on thursday. More of an orentation of the company than an interview.
I get to take a special guest.
Anybody free at 7pm and want to influence my decision to work there?
*shrugs* I don't mind.

Anyway, I wrote this poem last night but blogger was too slow so never posted it:

"morning rain, fresh amber sky
darkness slips to shadows
the quiet almost calming
yet the night lingers on
acceptance is the worst
the scene has devestated
how can they come together
when he takes the long way
and questions the words
asking "i love you."
trusting every kiss,
suspecting every hint.
this is the place
when can he admit initially
every thought of his love
and express that she's her.
the hope to love forever
never part side by side."

who gets the case of the mondays? not me. today.

2004-12-06T19:35:00.000-06:00

lemmie think.
cd player works now, fixed it. hardwired.
dinner is cooking, woot.
car fix list has 3 more things left. two of which are easy, one costs money... but can wait a while.
job interview tomorrow, after appointment, after first two classes.
glasses tomorrow or wednesday.
spiderman 2 sitting beside me, need to watch.
need to finish how to lose a guy in 10 days.
need to ensure i have clean, nice looking clothes, for tomorrow.
I'm hungry, dinner is cooking. pork. yum.

And today has been pretty fulfilling.
Wouldn't mind adding another thing to it, somewhere/somehow.

I need to go xmas shopping still. Would be very helpful seeing how Christmas is really soon.
Next Monday I sell my textbooks back to the store. woot.

Nothing else I can think of.

smile

2004-12-05T21:52:00.000-06:00

I got what I wanted today.

I put most of my interior back together, and cleaned a bit of it. Still need to vaccum.
Mostly I was just spending hours alone, to think. Halfway through all of this, I came inside and checked my email, and Laura gave me a great quote from Rent to help.
I also read James' profile, lyrics of a song he suggested a while back from Aesop Rock:
"She'd never spoken once throughout the spanning of her life
Until the day she leaned forward, grinned and pulled the nurse
aside
And she said:
'Look, I've never had a dream in my life
Because a dream is what you wanna do, but still haven't pursued
I knew what I wanted and did it till it was done
So i've been the dream that I wanted to be since day one!'
(refrain)
1 2 3
That's the speed of the seed
A B C
That's the speed of the need
You can dream a little dream
Or you can live a little dream
I'd rather live it
Cuz dreamers always chase
But never get it"

So, I've gone through what I dreamed, and just do them - nothing to hold me back.
But honestly, I'm already living one dream: to be with somebody I completely love.
I'm going to return to college, OU, fall semester. I'll be taking a hit from a couple classes from this semester, but I know what I want to do. Teach American Government, social studies. It doesn't pay well, but it has such a deeper meaning to it that I don't care. Even though I'd like to teach, I'll still work to get my PhD, as well as pass the bar exam.

I'm going to make my family, and friends proud of my accomplishments.
But most of all, I'm going to be proud of myself years from now.

And I want to make the person closet to me now, happier than she's ever been... everything I can do to accomplish this, I will do.

sleeve-covered hands

2004-12-05T01:06:00.000-06:00

I am happy.

But at the same time, I am troubled.
Am I doing the wrong thing?
Do I mislead?

Seeing her face completely lit up, laying there looking at me... was amazing.

Tomorrow, I'm taking a break from society. I'm going to work on the Prelude a little while, then maybe just drive around. I have a place I haven't been to in about two years, and it's about time I go pay my respects.

I'm still secretly angry at my Mom.
I had completely forgotten about her suing Norman Regional Hospital for my Grandmother's death, until she bought me up to date on it.

"You'll be happy with the settlement if we win."
"No, I don't care about the money, it's then being showed how wrong they were."
"Cody, you know you want the money."

I'm not very materialistic... I'll give somebody money before I spend it on myself. This is half the reason I usually don't have money, that and no real stable job.

But honestly, money does not bring satisfaction, it doesn't even begin to makeup for the void in my life.
Or my only regret.

How could I not blame myself?

glasses time.

2004-12-02T18:53:00.000-06:00

Well, no worry. Wasn't allergies, like I thought it was, just a freaking ugly i hate you contacts infection.

in easy words, eye is tired of contacts.

tomorrow i go to get a pair of glasses finally, something that'll last me for a while when im tired of wearing contacts. :)

oh, and i gots me an eyedrop!
YAY!

it's red, i got it. stop staring. =(

2004-12-02T11:51:00.000-06:00

alrighty... well, might not have been allergies that caused the explosive redness of my eyes.

I asked my Dad to call the Dean McGee eye clinic, while I slept, and he came in asking questions while on the phone.
The same place that takes 3 weeks to give me an appointment, got me one today at 1:45.

I'm not worried.
Even if it is some kind of infection.
I already have the worse scenario in my long-term, so what can this do, cause annoyance? =D

phone calls from far away are the best.

2004-12-01T22:43:00.000-06:00

i fixed my car after calling raul, who told me what was up.

I was still feeling cold/crappy, but I got an awesome call. I don't think I ever thanked Laura for it, but it was a highlight.

I'm going to get some sleep, then class tomorrow followed by car finishing.

Sigh... what've I done?

2004-12-01T19:14:00.000-06:00

I'm in a horrible mood. First I work past my allergies, but I've still got the crazy bloodshot eyes.
Itchy and such as well. I'll live.
THEN.
I get my car. Drove it around for a while, took it to the city and showed Laura. Got the feel of it, and took note of things wrong.
My EGR is tripping the ECU finally, never thought that'd happen.
Speedometer isn't working half the time, loose connection. I'll fix that.
Other than that, seems to drive fine. I had a couple problems regarding the whole shifting, seemed really different - but I got used to it.

I followed Zach to my house from Hy-Tek tonight.
I'm proud to report that my transmission went nuts.
Not the transmission actually, my CLUTCH.

And since I have a fucking hydro-clutch, I can't fix it myself. I drove two miles in first gear after working hard to SYNC my shift into that gear. I'm glad Zach followed behind me with his Hazards, so I didn't look too stupid.
I have to tow the car tomorrow, first thing.
I don't even feel like hearing my Mom tell me how she believes I should sell the car.

Lemmie add a couple more things. Something seems up with Zach, but I already knew this much last night. And something seems up with Laura, but I'm not exactly sure on that one. I'm having a dandy day.

And my index finger hurts like crap... might've put a gash in it trying to fix my clutch problem. Sigh, I'm leaving the car at Hy-tek until it is FINISHED. Lights, clutch, whatever else. FINISHED.

And to think I just told Mike that the car was running badass, and I was impressed with the power + handling I was getting out of it.
This is why I hate having high hopes.
This whole thread is me bitching, sorry you read this much.
I'm not completely done either.

I've been offered to go to Washington to live, again.
Not that it means anything, I doubt I'll be doing it... it was one reason, now a couple, but it's still something I could do.
But I stopped and thought something out, my life and commitment. Seems that I will press hard to get something I want, if I really want it.
But, this time - the one thing I'd love most, it seems wrong/off. I'm a bit scared of the result if I said anything.
Sigh, one big headache and no tylenol for this. I'm going to just hafta chill for a while, and be grateful for what I've got.

2004-11-29T11:21:00.000-06:00

THE PRELUDE IS ALIVE.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA.

now can someone pick me up, and take me to get it? :)
lol

I'm such a dick to my Dad.

2004-11-28T04:54:00.000-06:00

Played him in some late-night Madden Football on ps2 (something we've been doing lately)...

Threw a perfect pass, and ran it out of bounds in last 20 seconds of the game, on the one yard line. I've already won the game.
Ran the ball back to the 50yard line with Michael Vick (Quarterback).
Pass the pall to SAME reciever, wide open, for a touch down - In last second.
Two-point conversion.

He had it coming, he took advantage of my tiredness last night, and beat me after I whooped him.

Green is the color of my stoplight.

2004-11-28T02:26:00.000-06:00

Let me attempt talking about the past couple days - recent to as far as I can remember.

Today, woke up around 2pm 'cause I forgot I'd fixed the clock.
Called Amy, and met her at the mall.
We took her car, went to Nick's in Slaughterville.
Spent about 30minutes removing the radiator, not hard.
Just had issues do it having sat there for a while... but was in GREAT shape.
Left there, went to Hy-tek where I dropped the Radiator off.
Dropped off, 'cause they were closing, it was 5:30.
Jeff was there, he joined the Amy & Cody group.
And Raul did too, for about 20 minutes - to race Jeff.
I drove Amy's car, to follow Jeff and Raul.
They raced - Raul won. Jeff gets no traction?
Went back to the mall... and ate.
Looked at cool stuff, Cody is banned from the table saw.
According to Jeff.
I wonder why? :'(

We eventually met up with Zach and Christy at my house - which I was informed that I had to go help my brother move furniture. Oh, he pulled a tendon or something.
But when my Dad and I got to my bro's, they'd changed plans.
So I called Zachary, since they gave me Christy's phone.
We all drove around crammed into Jeff's car, hanged out at Hastings, and looked for Amy's lost keys... lots of fun. Ended up renting 'The Italian Job'.
Great movie... I liked it. =)

Last night, was great, yet... I feel bad.
I went to sell my Engine Stand to a guy from OKSpeed - and picked up Laura on the way.
Conclusion of my driving? I REALLY have inept awareness when I'm tired, with a headache, and am distracted by not knowing where I am.
I might've almost hit somebody who wouldn't get out of the exit lane on N.W. Expressway.
I felt horrible, last thing I wanna do is wreck with Laura in the vehicle.
So I'm going to sleep more. =)
I met Brandon at IHOP to sell the engine stand, and since I was a bit hungry - and so was Laura, we ate at IHOP.
Yes, I know, classy place.
Eventually I got her back home after getting confused at a Gas station (intelligence and memory sucks as well when I'm tired).

Thanksgiving... was, a complete make fun of Cody, and how he lives his life.
But no fear, I made fun of my brother too!
Woot. And proved my Mom to be a hipocrite. She sucks at being on defense. =D

This is a long post. I'm complete, well, not without mentioning this:

Scary Camaro SS drivers.. checking out wrecked vehicles. Jeff swears Camaro drivers aren't scary, but I don't believe.
Laura didn't know the guy either, hmm.
And I did not want to leave Laura's, half because I was in a good safe place with a good nice awesome adjectives endless person.
And driving home was overrated.

Time for sleep now. <3

Monday morning = me awake and at Hy-tek by 10am!
Yup!
I had a lot of fun removing my radiator, that I want to put this one in! Teehee.
And I wanna have warm feet right now.
Useless shoes, sigh.

Oh, I mention? I'm finally dying to my allergies. They're attacking full force.
I'm going to start taking allergy medicine, ugh - I hate medicine.

2004-11-25T22:15:00.000-06:00

Great, I got screwed over. Twice.
First, I think my brother really is going to marry Christy. Aw hell no.
Second, the only time I don't have something planned for me by my parents tomorrow... is morning, in which I'm getting the radiator.

Not like, I had anything planned.
Nope, not at all.

GRR.

I must figure something out.

2004-11-24T20:51:00.000-06:00

Cancer is crap.

Doesn't get better than this.

2004-11-24T13:03:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was fantastico.
I met Laura's friend Nicole, then went with them on their stroll of memory lane.
And got attacked by puppies.

oh, I finally saw Shrek!
Oh yes I did.
Yes, yes I did.
And I got cold on the outside.
And very warm on the inside.
I love Laura... so incredibly much.

Who needs Salsa with their chips? Not I.
Wait, I have to say that twice since, yeah.
"I'm good."

My car is... put together.
Oh wait, except...
MY RADIATOR SUCKS.
Have to either see if it can be repaired, or fixed... who knows.

I'm going to try seeing it later today.
But regardless, I'm going to try starting up the car today.

And today, is sunny.
There was always a sunny day right around the corner.

2004-11-23T23:34:00.000-06:00

sa-weet.
snow.
in oklahoma.
in november.

i better get snow tires or something!

car pictures.

2004-11-23T23:08:00.000-06:00

Alright, here's the pictures:

rear window/french writing!

driver's side front

Always leave an eye open when sleeping.

i live on, with or without your words to guide me.

2004-11-22T04:27:00.000-06:00

before i get to work on some of the crap I have backed up... (4am = perfect time to do it, yes?)

some thoughts, and poetry from earlier tonight.

life cannot be perfect.
honestly, nobody can have their specific way in life - it must ALWAYS involve compromise, otherwise it'll build up against you, and fall down.
Gots to be balanced.
ESPECIALLY relationships.
I hate hearing, "I always win."
You aren't lasting if you say that (and it's true, not just an ego thing).
So, to be fair, do what the other person likes every now and then - hey, you might have fun... but if the other person is bored, hey, let them get you back later on! =P

That's not really coming from anywhere specific, just from what I've seen over the years.

I have pictures of my car that Peter took Friday night, on my laptop. I'll try to get them up, they're mostly the pictures showing my car's condition right now (pre-axle removal), and one shows the french everybody wrote on my rear window.
(It started off with Jesse (Christina Grahm's little sister, then some other people added)

anyway, here's poetry:

--life's religion
"life is a pair of wings
if used, capable of soaring.
so take yourself to new heights
but remember,
wings can be stripped;
fly steady, and take advantage carefully
for this is your time, and yours alone."

--romanticism
"i swore not love again,
i was once so torn,
defenseless, helpless.

i swore not walk again,
shattered knees from yesterday
i fell so hard, when she spoke his name.

never expecting much, you come along
oh dear, why am i so drawn to you?
your eyes retain such beauty,
deep, bright, and captivating.
my favorite shade of green.

i'm sorry if i pull from your touch,
yesterday was pain, and i dare not believe
that i've come this far
to feel your warmth."

--expectations
"your thoughts, are a blessing
flow with power, everything within.
love, tonight, everything comes together
moments are created, desires are created.
socialize with me for hours.
i just enjoy the sound of your mind
all in which flows from your voice.

thoughts of a better place,
another time, a desire you've left unmet.
where could we be, whether france or ireland
oh dear, your thoughts bring tickets to such.
destinations in such a rhythm, we're going.
just between us, this corner is my birthplace
you've bought me into this world, with your love
oh dear, lets fly with these words
lets take the new beat, lets share the same.
oh dear, we're given tonight's chance
every oppritunity we must captivate.

streetlights, and has-beens.
we're the new age, we're the starters
fire doesn't form without
the department will be so sad, when they find us
love, we've begun, we've created.
grows as it should, thoughts are everything
baby, you're everything, with that heart of yours.
love, trance, thoughts.
we flow together so greatly,
keep together."

2004-11-21T01:16:00.000-06:00

this is me looking through the scope down the barrel of a gun.

Taken two days ago.
5bucks to who figures out what that barrel is apart of.

Can't decide.

2004-11-20T13:51:00.000-06:00

True love never can be rent
But only true love can keep beauty innocent

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman
No I could never take a chance
'Cause I could never understand
The mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

You can run from love
And if it's really love it will find you
Catch you by the heel
But you can't be numb for love
The only pain is to feel nothing at all
How can I hurt when I'm holding you?

I could never take a chance
Of losing love to find romance
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

And you're the one, there's no-one else
You make me want to lose myself
In the mysterious distance
Between a man and a woman

OR

Some people get squashed crossing the tracks
Some people got high rises on their backs
I'm not broke but you can see the cracks
You can make me perfect again

All because of you
All because of you
All because of you
I am...I am

I'm alive
I'm being born
I just arrived, I'm at the door
Of the place I started out from
And I want back inside

All because of you
All because of you
All because of you
I am

Either way, I'm not dissatisfied with the new U2 album.

2004-11-18T10:54:00.000-06:00

moved too fast, your hand dies.
clutched together, warming souls
tears never fall,
this is goodbye.

you said something, i vaguely remember
words i shouldn't know
yet you bring out of me, tonight.
one last "i love you"
this is goodbye.

a quickie for you... and the cute one over there too.

2004-11-18T01:08:00.000-06:00

hanged out at hy-tek a lot yesterday.
nothing much there, i did a bit of work on zach's car.

today, zach bought a xbox.
plus halo2 and nfs:u2.
i own at halo2... with the ghost.

and while that was good.
i wasn't... felt like shit all day.
i know half the reason,
but something else... i dont know.
well, okay, i lied. i know.
but don't feel like talking about it.

tomorrow, i've got school.
when not there, going to hy-tek.
i'm going to work on my car, if mike and raul aren't.
sigh, i want it back already.
not to say they're not working on it, i understand if they're busy, and at least they're doing a good job so far.

im going to a lan friday.
6pm - 6am.
tournament time.
madden football 2k5.
how badass is that?
i've been overplaying that game too!
ask anybody.

and battlefield 1942.
was pretty good at this...
hope i still have my skills.

now to lay down, and think.

for my friend chris

2004-11-15T05:08:00.000-06:00

i normally don't write for somebody, but damn - im tired of friends suffering restless nights due to dreams. goes for anybody though, i want to help if i can, but if i can't, i'll be beside you until you're happy just as I had met you.

i cannot solve the world's problems
and I wish I could take you,
help you through, and show you everything
i do not claim to be happy,
as long as i feel your pain...
i will be restless my friend.

better days are among us,
the saying goes without explaining.
the smoke still lingers from the fire
but you and i both know, fire can be lit again.
so save your matches, days are coming.

i'll share the insight, i'll stay beside you
forget your troubles
and tonight we settle the score long awaited for.
fuck those who differ
for you know better than to believe otherwise.

Such a messy life, where do I begin to clean it up?

2004-11-14T23:06:00.000-06:00

Rearranging my room today, kinda symbolic too - 'cause I'm rearranging my life. There's a lot I want to change with my life. I've always had a thing about switching around, eventually something changes and I want different.

Interesting enough, there's two things I don't want different, or see wanting different.
Especially my love.
Laura, I love you, and want to always make you happy, because dear, you make me happy.

And, three friends: Zach, Christy, and Amy.

I don't think I'll be doing much more with my car, but I'll be doing more with computers - something I've always had a thing for playing with.
Something I'm good with.

I'm not sure how much more I will be blogging, I don't see that I'll have much more time for it with everything I'm going to be doing. One thing for sure, I'll continue posting anything I personally (poetry, etc).

Anything that hasn't been posted here, is here:
http://fallou7.blogspot.com

Hm, sure, why not?

2004-11-14T03:08:00.000-06:00

Paul Simon, rocks.

"First thing I remember when you came into my life
I said I wanna get that girl, no matter what I do
Well I guess I've been in love before and once or twice have been on the floor
But I've never loved no-one the way that I love you"

Got this from Lindsey's journal, and well... I'd like to see some answers, even though I know half of them, if not all from certain people who read this.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
28. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?
32. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
33. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
34. Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

unselfish entertainment

my stomach aches, and all they could say was "you got what you deserved"

home at last.

My legs quit on me.

All it took a new hat,to shade away the evils I was unable to defend.

I waited, and waited.

Always begin your life with a smile.

With all the fun to have, to live the dreams we always hadOh, the songs to sing, when we at last return again

I'll meet you tonight in the [u]whispers[/u][i]when no one's around.[/i]

you could shrug me off your shoulders

"She said don't, don't let it go to your head,boys like you are dime a dozen."

Experience is growthSo experience all you can, and you'll be the tallest in the crowd.

Won't someone just kill meput my out of my misery!I'm makin' deals with GodI'll do anything!

I know what scares me

It really is as flat as a pancake, and burned like my pancakes!

Can never forget.

Brr... brr brr brr brr brr how I wish I was a penguin right now.

But now, it is silver and silent

I dare not grasp the concept of impossibility

I am pooped.

Would you do it?

What happened to reality?

Biggie Fries

nightless bound

Life in the fast lane, Surely make you lose your mind

Life in the fast lane, Surely make you lose your mind

Now, I'm extremely tired.

I'm not always the favorite, am I?

Piano crashing, and a foot I shouldn't have gone for.

It's Thursday... again.

It's Thursday.

Eh, fuck it.

I'm horrible with goodbyes.

Great, just great.

You really can't quite techno, can you? "bum bump bum bump, doo doo, bump" Eh, yeh.

The green eyesYeah the spotlightShines upon you

Remember you said"Kiss me sweetheart before you go again."

Well worth the sleep in between

Somebody busted a big feather pillow openand made a winter wonderland.

Brr outside, yes it is.

Just get outyour words weren't absoluteand i should have known.

All I did was what I had to.

You had to see it coming...

You have only been gone ten days,But already I'm wasting away.I know I'll see you againWhether far or soon.

Dreams sometimes do need to be shattered

Woo?

Great day for tennis, eh chap?

Eh, Iuno...

Despite the past events...

//?

I'm a bit on the hungry side,and you make my cravings go away.

Sleep is... soon?

i curse at the gods.

We're both such magnifacent liarsSo crush me baby, I'm all ears

all good things result in smileeverything else should be banned.

Orange Bowl

Of course I am.

The dawn is breakingA Light is shining throughYou're barely wakingAnd I'm tangled up in youYeah

it's days like this i fall flat onto my face.

Wow.

Do you think I'm wasting my time,doing things I wanna do?But it hurts when you disapprove all along.

I can't let goof all the times I never said goodbye

Along came, thought process.

And plans change way too easily.

I'm tired finally

shall you perish tonight, i dare not care.

wednesday

ugh.

Coats for Codys.

I guess I want 200$, or structure of some sort.

who gets the case of the mondays? not me. today.

*smile*

sleeve-covered hands

glasses time.

it's red, i got it. stop staring. =(

phone calls from far away are the best.

Sigh... what've I done?

I'm such a dick to my Dad.

Green is the color of my stoplight.

Doesn't get better than this.

smile